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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Union Warns of Strike Action over Coalition Government

Bloggers: Cameron coalition "far too sensible."

A prominent journalist union has announced that it is to ballot its members on strike action, in protest at the decisions and actions of the new Conservative & Liberal Democrat Coalition Government.

The Association of Raggers, Satirists, Entertainers and Scribblers are unhappy that the coalition Government, which came into power last Tuesday, has so far not done anything stupid enough to ridicule.

ARSES spokesman Dun Geekin said, "I know we've been spoiled by Labour's cretinous decision-making over the last thirteen years, but this sensibility is, quite frankly, literally beyond a joke. It's one thing having a honeymoon period, but normally in this sort of timescale we could expect Labour to have announced at least three ill-considered and unfunded crackpot schemes for us to take the piss out of.

"We thought there would be enough clowns in the new Government to be going on with - I mean, even Bozo the Cable's got a Cabinet post - but this lot is being far too sensible. All we've got right now is the Labour leadership contest, and it's getting ever more difficult to lampoon a political party that's a parody of itself and is thinking of appointing a banana-wielding village idiot as a Leader."

ARSES is calling on the Government to appoint a temporary Chief Idiot to the Cabinet, whose responsibility it would be to propound, and subsequently defend, stupid policies which bloggers could then deride. However, the spokesman insisted, "this role would only be needed until the Government was fully constituted and established. By that point we would expect them to have returned to the normal levels of idiocy we expect from our Leadership."

Rumours that former PM Gordon 'Colostomy' Brown may make a shock return to the Cabinet to fill the post demanded by ARSES remain unconfirmed. However, Labour MP Ed Balls has indicated that he would be interested in standing for the position, stating that his history of promoting absolute arrant bollocks makes him ideal for the Chief Idiot place.

Mr Geekin said that the results of a ballot on strike action would be expected shortly, once Bloggers could be persuaded to stop their usual intercenine ad-hominem battles and actually vote. However, he warned, "this is a serious matter. If our demands are not met, we will be forced to stop castigating Government actions and instead make stuff up. And we don't want to do that, because the mainstream media already do."

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