Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Justice Ministry to Review Sex Offences Law

The Ministry of Justice have announced changes to sexual offences legislation following the conviction of two 10-year-old boys for the attempted rape of an eight-year-old girl.

The case has caused significant controversy for several reasons including the trial and conviction of prebubescent children for an adult offence, the import of which they could not possibly have comprehended, and the fact that the trial judge refused to throw out the case despite unsurprisingly contradictory testimony.

A Justice Ministry spokesman said, "we are aware of the problems this difficult and painful case has caused, and it is therefore right that we take action to ensure clarity in all circumstances.

"For example, it seems clear in this case that the children were 'experimenting' - akin, as many have said, to playing 'doctors and nurses'. Therefore we will be launching an urgent enquiry within the Crown Prosecution Service to discover why the children were not all charged with Impersonating A Medical Professional.

"New laws will also be put on the statute book to protect children from playground predators, and police will with immediate effect start patrolling schoolyards arresting children engaging in 'kiss-chase' for indecent assault. Fixed-Penalty Notices for Indecent Exposure will be issued to any girls doing handstands that show their knickers."

The spokesman also said that the Justice Ministry recognised the difficulties in a ten-year-old child signing the Sex Offenders Register, and confirmed that a new Register was to be implemented for all children found guilty of the heinous offence of being an inquisitive child.

The Sex Offenders Colouring-In Book will be used in future for all children convicted of being a child. The offender will be required to colour in a picture of themselves as a horrid paedophile who is beyond redemption. They will also undergo professional counselling explaining to them why their pre-adolescent idiocy will leave them tarnished and shunned for the rest of their natural lives, and why they completely deserve it.

Wonko The Sane was too depressed to comment.

Stumble Upon Toolbar


English Pensioner said...

The difficulty of getting them to sign the sex offenders' register is that due to the current standards of education, they are unlikely to be able to write.

banned said...

All very well but what to do with the horrid proto-homo practise of such boys playing 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine'?

Anonymous said...

I love this - it's hysterical!

So was English Pensioner's reply!

Mark @ Israel said...

It is quite shocking to know that young children already engage in sex offences. I am also at a loss to know that the punishment for their acts would last a lifetime. This matter is alarming.

talwin said...


I did. It's shite. But do have a nice day.