Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Artificial Life Creator Denies 'Playing God'

Dr Venter presents his scientific research paper.

The creator of the first ever 'synthetic cell', described as a 'landmark' by one British expert, has strongly denied suggestions that he is 'playing God'.

Dr J Craig Venter, an American mad scientist, breathed life into a bacterium using genes assembled in a laboratory. Reports that lightning, insane laughter and terrified local womenfolk were also involved remain unconfirmed.

Speaking from a mountaintop wearing what he deemed his 'special scientific robes' Dr Venter, who has grown a beard since creating Life, said, "I am not playing God. This is the next stage in our understanding, it is a baby step in our understanding of how life fundamentally works and maybe how we can get some new handles on how I can, as a Creator, control you puny microbial systems to benefit humanity. For I am not playing God - I AM God Praise me. PRAISE ME!"

So far Dr Venter, who is to change his name to He Who Giveth Life, has only created single bacteria in his experiments. However, he has insisted that he should be in a position to dominate the globe with massed ranks of genetically identical synthetic proto-humans by mid-June.

He, who recently renamed his laboratory the Yahweh Institute in honour of his newly-established Deity status, dismissed concerns that there was a danger of the technology being misused, and insisted that only He would have total and unrestrained control over nature, supported by his cloned army of synthetic humanoids.

Services of worship to the new Creator will be held across the globe on Sundays. The Pope is reported to have said that he, for one, welcomed our new synthetic overlords.

However, his assertions have been challenged by the watchdog group Human Genetics Alert. David King, the Director of HGA, said that his organisation would be conducting a demonstration outside the Yahweh Institute shortly, but refused to confirm whether pitchforks and flaming torches would be provided.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

No comments: