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Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Government Insists Postal Votes 'Fit for Purpose'

The Government have insisted that the postal voting system is 'fit for purpose', after it transpired that police have launched 50 criminal inquiries nationwide into allegations of vote-rigging.

Officials have reported a flood of postal vote applications in marginal seats, with a total of 7 million registered postal voters of an estimated total electorate of 46 million. The Electoral Commission, which oversees the elections process, has warned that widespread postal voting is open to fraud.

In one occasion, a resident in one flat in Bethnall Green was surprised to learn that according to postal vote registrations, eight complete strangers were also living in the small flat she shares with her partner.

However, the concerns were dismissed by Justice Minister Laventiy Straw, who said, "these allegations are merely Tory propaganda to divert attention from the truth of the matter, which is the incredible level of popular support for the Labour Party. These so-called 'phantom voters' are nothing of the sort - they are simply people registering to vote and to show their support for the Party."

Mr Straw insisted, "the voting system is completely fit for purpose - that purpose, of course, being to ensure that the Labour Party remains in power. We are sure of our support and certain of a victory at the polls."

Surveys of the most marginal seats, where the election will be decided, have revealed a surge in postal voting. In the key marginals of Edinburgh South and Barnet, postal votes are up by 60 per cent, while Brighton has seen an increase of 40 per cent in voter registration.

Mr Straw insisted that the system would produce a 'correct and fair outcome', however, despite the allegations. He added that he expected a further surge in support for Labour on Election day, when he confidently predicted that the occupants of cemeteries and crematoria in marginal constituencies would also be rising from the dead to vote for Labour.

Robert Mugabe was unavailable for comment.

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patently said...

with a total of 7 million registered postal voters of an estimated total electorate of 46 million

You're sure that's not 46 million registered postal voters of an estimated total electorate of 7 million?

Macheath said...

Welcome back!

I suggest the following solution:
large green receptacles, clearly marked 'Postal Votes', should be placed in all constituencies where fraud has been detected.
For ease of use, they should have a lift-up lid and two wheels and handily fit the lifting mechanism of certain council trucks, which could arrive to empty them on a regular basis.

banned said...

I thought that Robert Mugabe was heading up the International Observers?