Photos!

A couple of photos of the new toy....

First - the obligatory "on top of a laptop" shot - in this case my 15.4" widescreen Compaq:



now the 'comparison with something smaller that shows just how small the EeePC actually IS, shot - in this case in comparison to my Archos A504:


I have a plan for a *really* cool photo - the EeePC on top of Gerry's Dell, which is in itself a subnotebook - but that will have to wait until her return from the USA next week.

If I come up with any other cool things to photograph it against, I'll post them too...

It's HERE!!

the new $SHINY! toy arrived today - along with all the additional bits and bobs, so well done to the suppliers involved.

At this early stage (only 3 hours playtime, and I forgot to bring the box back home with me so neglected to bring the power cable!) I'm not forming any strong opinions.

Except. . .

DAMN, it's SMALL!!

As I don't have power, I was only able to spend about 90 minutes fiddling with it and surfing the Web - proper tweakage will have to wait till tomorrow. Photos and a review proper will follow in the next few days.

However, while I was shocked at the size of it - it's really incredibly tiny, even photos don't do it justice - so far I've found it pretty easy to use, and even the trackpad, though small, isn't overly awkward. I can't touch-type (yet), but the teensy little keys aren't a detriment to easy use of the laptop.

Though the 'Fisher-Price' simple GUI has simply GOT to go!

More to follow - watch this space....

Eee By Gum!

Forget AndLinux - I couldn't stand the anticipation, so I've done it...I've ordered my very own Asus EeePC.

I ordered the 2GB version in Black, for 2 reasons - one, because it was cheaper to get a 2GB and add on 12Gb of SD storage (one 8GB, one 4GB) than to buy a 4GB - and two, because Laptops Direct had the 2GB in stock and I didn't want to wait!

EBuyer are supplying the memory cards (and a wireless keyboard and mouse for the next project), so by the end of next week I'll be geeking out like mad!

The sad (or should that be sadder) thing about all this excitement is that I can even envisage the Blog photo....my EeePC, sat on top of Gerry's Dell subby, both sat on my Compaq laptop!

God, I love being a Geek.

AndLinux

I need a Linux box.

And I'm lazy, and can't face the hassle of yet more battling with wireless configuration on my laptop.

And, perhaps surprisingly, I don't detest Vista Home Premium.

So as an experiment, I've downloaded AndLinux, and when I have a few moments to spare in the next week, plan to install it.

It claims to provide Linux functionality - no, a complete KDE-based Linux distro - running inside Windows.

We shall see.

At the very least, it'll be something to play with until May, when I order my EeePC!

Sleep well, mate.

Wogan: 1999-2008.

My parents got Wogan when they retired ten years ago, bringing a tiny puppy back from the breeders, so small he could fit in the cup of my two hands. This tiny thing grew into 12-stones of gentle giant. I was there the day they brought him home, and from the first instant fell in love with the mutt, forming a bond that continued for me right up to today.

Over the years, Wogan never tired of loving his family. He was always excited to see us when we visited, wagging what was left of a close-docked tail so fast his entire rump shook - and he loved to give and receive affection, to the extent of trying to climb onto your lap if you gave him half a chance!

He was the gentlest animal I ever saw, looking after 8-week-old kittens, washing them and carrying them gingerly back to their basket whenever they ventured too far.

He's the only dog I've ever known who seemed to laugh when you fussed him or played with him - whether that was tickling his enormous tummy as he lay sprawled in the living room, or playing with his nemesis the garden hose. This 'humph-humph' sound would come out as he wriggled around, tongue lolling from his chops, every inch at peace with the world. Wogan loved his people, his surroundings and everything about his life.

He'd not been well for a while, with a lump on his leg that turned out to be an aggressive - and migratory - tumour. Within a short time he was in a great deal of pain.

So my parents called the vet, took him into the garden - and let him go to sleep in the only place he's ever known.

It hurts. Coming hard on the heels of the loss of Sasha, their boxer, just three weeks ago when she escaped the gardens and was hit by a car (and the fscker didn't even bother to stop).

Right now the tears are here for all of us who knew him. I know that putting him to sleep was the right decision. And given time, I'll be able to look back at all the good memories of the best, most loving family dog we had and smile about it.

Just - not today.

Motivation

Now I'm not normally one for reposting other people's stuff, but I saw this this morning, and felt obliged to spread it around a bit.

I won't repost the whole article - it's someone elses, and if you want to read it go and give the traffic to them. But the reason it caught me was this one:

5. Follow your passion, money will follow:
If you have passion and have fun doing your job, then I wouldn't consider it a job. You can focus on creating even more passion for that subject and money will eventually follow you. If you focus only on the money, it won't come because you're focused on the quantity of your work and not the quality.

This one really stuck with me - as I've actually taken that step and, in December 2006, gave up the sales work I've always done for a tech role - and it was, by far, the best decision I've ever made.

Right now, when I'm down with a stinking cold and when I've been on-call and repeatedly dragged out of bed for stupid, pointless calls that shouldn't have been escalated, it's hard to remember how good I felt on 7 December 2006 when I started as a Bob.

So thanks to DumbLittleMan.com for the timely reminder.

Miscellany

So the decorating at Dungeekin Towers is . . . well, it's proceeding.

I can't help but be delighted at the results of the building work, however. Now the new floor is completely laid, there's a real sense of space that hits you every time you walk into the new living room. I love it.

My sense of pleasure is compounded by the addition of this:



I've got the XBox attached to it, and am working on building a PC as a media player. We've ordered a new wood stand for the TV, but it's going to take a staggering 14 weeks for delivery - mainly, I believe, because given the price of it it's being hand-carved from a single tree by Patagonian virgins...

The cabinet-maker delivers his work the end of this month, and the new gas fire will be plumbed in about the same time. All is good.

In fact the sole downside of the whole thing is that it requires us to decorate not just the living room, but the rest of the ground floor - which forces us to continue into the stairwell, which means going up the stairs, which means doing the landing, which means...well, you get the picture.

I'm relishing the new working structure here at $WEMANAGESTUFF, as we've changed from 24/7 shifts to an on-call night structure. While it's never pleasurable to be called at some unearthly hour (usually for something that isn't urgent anyway, but the kids are learning slowly), it's certainly better than sitting awake all night staring at a screen, waiting for something to break!

Peace descends once more

So this morning is the first in 9 days that peace has reigned supreme chez Dungeekin.

The builders have, for the most part, finished the work on our revised living room - just the new floor to be laid (Mon/Tue of next week)then the skirting boards to be put in place.

Oh, and a metric buttload of decorating to be done.

But at least it's quiet.

Noise, Noise Noise!

My teeth are rattling in sync with the house, my ears are bleeding.....

We've got The Builders in.

Yes, after several months of indecision, wavering and even putting the house on the market, we decided to do the sensible thing, get rid of the unfeasibly large downstairs cloakroom and bring that salvaged space into an enlarged living room.

I mean, the size of that downstairs WC! Fine, I can understand building regs, but a wheelchair-accessible loo in a 3-storey house? That's just wrong.

So anyway, once the final decision was made things moved staggeringly quickly from quotes to agreement, and on Monday morning James the Builder rocked up and turned our once-beautiful living room into a symphony of concrete, new radiator pipes and breezeblock dust....

We're onto Day 3 of the build now, and right now James is taking down the old wall, going through it with a power drill roughly the size of a small child. I'm hiding in my top-floor study, feeling the vibrations coming through the building and telling myself that it's all going to be worth it in the end.

Photos to follow once I can be bothered to upload them...

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes....

So 2008 started the same way it finished - with me working night shifts.

However, changes to the way we work means that this is the last week I'll have to spend every night sat at the laptop, gazing blearily at a monitoring screen waiting for something to break!

Yes, we're finally moving to an on-call structure - along with a pattern change that means no more late shifts finishing at 11pm, and just one working weekend in three!

In honour of this momentous occasion, I've created a mini-office (with the much-appreciated help of my father-in-law). The computers now reside on the top floor in what was formerly a walk-in wardrobe, but now has a large desk area and multiple shelves.

I was agonizing over how to get the Mac onto the network, and finally decided that I simply couldn't justify £85-worth of Ethernet over Power for just one iMac. So I've simply bought a USB dongle that claims to be Mac-compatible. Fingers crossed!

Now all I need is a new Linux box, and I'm sorted.....

Back in the UK

So - I'm back.

And off sick.

Thankfully the tonsillitis symptoms eased on the Friday night while I was still in Romania, but I've been left with Laryngitis and still feel pretty awful - as well as sounding like a cross between Frank Butcher and Stephen Hawking.

On the advice of the GP, I'm actually going to do what I'm told and take a good few days off, probably returning with my next morning shift on Saturday. I've been told to take complete physical and vocal rest - which even gives me an opportunity to turn my phone off!

The team in Romania were lovely, and very understanding - to the point of even stopping by my hotel on Friday night (while I was working the night shift) bringing a bag of sweets, chocolate, Coke and Strepsils to make the night go more smoothly. They're great people and I'm sure they're going to do their new job well for us.

It's great to be home. It's not often I'm homesick, but being poorly while away doesn't make for an enjoyable visit, and I really didn't get to see enough of Cluj - which is actually a pretty city with a very Italian feel to it.

It doesn't look like I've missed a great deal on my trip - no major political upheavals, sadly, though it looks like there's been yet more data protection idiocy going on.

Time to relax and take the doctor's advice!

That Would Explain It!

Still in Romania.

The tiredness and lethargy I've been suffering from, which I put down to travelling and night shifts - is actually Tonsillitis.

These next couple of days are going to be pleasurable as a result.

NOT.

Bună Ziua from Romania

So this week, the Dungeekin Show is in Cluj, Romania, helping train a new support team.

I'm sure it's a lovely place - in the heart of Transylvania, a heart-stirring mix of old gothic architecture and communist-era prestressed concrete.

The lights of the city's main square certainly look beautiful.

Only problem is - I'm working night shifts the whole time I'm here, so I get about 1 hour per day to see Cluj in daylight on my way home from the office.

I normally love travelling to new places - but this time I'm tired, grumpy, and I want to go home.

Roll on Sunday.

Please Contact Me if you're Frustrated with the CSA

I've held this one in for long enough.

Today's rant has but one topic - the appalling, inefficient and inaptly-titled Child Support Agency.

those who know me know that I'm divorced and that I have a little boy, who I love and don't see often enough. So, obviously, I'm obligated to support him - which I do gladly.

However, for my ex-wife to qualify for the benefits to which she is entitled, my support payment has to go through the Child Support Agency. They won't permit a private arrangement. In the early days, this wasn't a problem - the case was handled through the Plymouth CSA office, who were polite, friendly, efficient and, most of all, quick. If you had a query you could speak to your caseworker by phone, and your caseworker would come back to you with answers quickly. It was easy and all went smoothly.

Until April of this year, when they moved me to Bolton.

The people who work at CSA Bolton are the most useless, disinterested, lazy, ill-informed, dishonest and incompetent excuses for humans it's ever been my displeasure to deal with. In the 8 months - check that, 8 MONTHS - it's taken to do a simple salary reassessment, I've had the dubious honour of calling them regularly - monthly at first, then weekly from about July, and daily since November.

Every call gives different, conflicting information. I'm told a different 'caseworker' name every single time I phone, and every time I try to speak to the 'caseworker' concerned, they're either not in, at lunch, off sick, planning a Mars expedition or any one of a million other reasons why they can't come to the phone.

Quite frankly, I believe the real reason is they're swinging around in their tyres flinging their faeces at each other - it's all they're fit for.

I've been promised a call-back 16 times in the last month - and how many have I received?

None. Not one. Zilch. Zip. Nada.

Try to speak to a 'Manager'? No chance. They're somewhere in the back of the Monkey House and, in the amusing words of one callcentre cretin 'don't have to speak to the general public'.

And the crowning glory of this pustule upon the anus of efficiency - my ex-wife has received no payment from the CSA since the beginning of October, and is suffering the same indignities when she calls them trying to get an answer.

So - 8 months on, I'm still paying 30% more than I'm supposed to be paying, I'm owed over £500 in back payments, my ex-wife is owed a total of 4 months payments and neither of us can get any sense from the CSA.

Enough is enough.

The CSA was established for a good reason - to ensure that absent parents made financial provision for their offspring. However, what's come out is a Frankenstein's Monster - a bloated, inefficient Civil Service calamity that is singularly unable to perform the duties it was incepted to do.

If they can't even deal with someone who IS paying regularly - how on earth do those parents waiting for fathers who don't pay fare?

I believe that I'm not alone in my suffering when dealing with this bunch of moronic dung-flingers. So I ask you this. If you are having problems with CSA Bolton, either as a parent with care or an absent parent - or if you know someone who's reached the same levels of frustration I have, and who are facing either insanity or aneurysm - please contact me or get them to contact me. I will respond to all the contacts I get.

I have already written to Lord McKenzie of Luton with regard to my specific issue, and am sufficiently driven by anger that I want to start a campaign of emails, letters and phone calls to the DWP to force some efficiency into the system.

Please contact me and let's start getting some changes and answers.

And it's gone....

The little Advent lasted just 3 days since its visit to PC World - and is now gone.

I came downstairs on Friday morning to discover a shut-down box. Again.

This time, a bit of Googling garnered me some evidence that I wasn't alone in experiencing problems with this box. This link is just ONE of the mentions of the problem I found.

I called PC World, who (at first) asked me to bring it in for further tests. However, I explained the evidence, pointed their Tech Guys team leader at the relevant pages....and got a callback an hour later confirming that they would simply take a return for a full store credit.

So the Advent went back, and has been replaced by a Compaq C757EA, as the price for a dual-core with 2GB RAM was just too good to miss. I also treated myself to an Archos 504 80GB PMP, which will be useful for my trip to Romania this month.

(For those who are shocked at my choosing Archos - I looked at the iPod Touch, but for £20 more than the Archos it's a tenth of the storage and, according to the owner of the one I was fiddling with, won't play Divx - which would make it completely useless for my purposes.)

Overall, then, I have to say I'm not displeased with the service and response from PC World on this. And I feel like I've got a heck of a lot more for my money than I had originally!

So to those who asked for my opinions or advice on the Advent 8212 - my advice is just DON'T. It's not DSG's fault - but the components and the mainboard appear to have known issues and, quite frankly, it's not worth the money you'll pay for it.

No Fault Found

I'm completely unsurprised.

I now have my little lappy back from the clutches of PC Worst - and they say that after two days of tests, they weren't able to find any fault with the box.

In their defence, however, they've agreed (in writing) to replace it immediately if it shuts down unexpectedly once more. So I don't suppose I can complain too much.

So....because I say there's a fault and they say there isn't, the plan is simple. The laptop will stay powered on (with the power management set to never turn off either monitor or PC) for a few days, and we'll see if it manages to stay upright.

If it does - great. If not....well, you can guess the outcome.

In other news, I'm soon to be the proud owner of an iMac. Only an old one, I grant you, but it's been upgraded and runs OSX so it'll be a good learning box for me. I'm looking forward to collecting it!

Two Months old, and it's already FSCKED

Bloody, sodding, pile 'o' junk PC World crap.

My blasted laptop - as purchased just two months ago and lauded by me in an earlier Blog post is currently sitting in the Oxford PC world while I fight for a replacement.

Leaving aside the problems with some of the software - most notably the integrated webcam, which doesn't actually integrate with any known application AT ALL - the laptop's developed an annoying tendency to shut down, with no warning whatsoever.

Imagine - working away, laptop on power and fully charged - and then *click*. Nothing.

So...Saturday saw me dragging myself into PC World, laptop and receipt in hand.

Explain situation to droid on 'Tech Guys' helldesk. "OK", says he. "We'll need to do some diagnostics - leave it with us for ten minutes".

"OK - given that I've told you the symptoms, and that it's manifesting as an intermittent hardware problem, what is a 10-minute diagnostic check going to prove?"

"Well, " the droid replies. "It's probably just a virus so it'll show up on our basic tests".

I resist the urge to batter the droid's head against the counter repeatedly, and Gerry and I head off to do other things for a while.

One hour later, we're back. And nothing AT ALL has been done.

Thankfully, G steps in at this point as I'm looking to maim someone.

So.....trip forward to this morning, and I call the Tech Guys.

They're still doing tests (thankfully now the ones I originally requested) and the box is in a thermal test now. Interestingly, it actually DID what I said it was doing - though there's much wriggling going on to try and say it isn't the laptop.

Tomorrow a decision will be made - and I'm pushing for replacement or refund. We shall see.

But so far, I have to say I'm not impressed with PC World's warranty support!

New Site Motto

OK, so I've come up with a new motto for the site/blog:

humanus est causa , non apparatus

Translation is left as an exercise for the reader. Now all I need to to is design myself a funky coat of arms - which will be fun to do!

For those who speak Latin - if it's grammatically/syntactically incorrect, I used an online Latin translation so don't know how accurate it was in picking up tenses and context. So tough - I like it.

Dumbshield Redux

Came in this morning to the email below:

From: Orrible DBA (the same one as yesterday)
Sent: 15 October 2007 14:57
To: IT
Subject: RE: Your call is now resolved

Please can you reset password for $secondaryVPNaccount as this has also been reset somehow. (Italics are mine)

Thanks.

Orrible DBA
Oracle Conslutant

Er, right. A vitriolic VPN with a personal grudge against you decided to reset both the passwords for your account.

There's no way it could be that you, oh, I don't know - FORGOT YOUR PASSWORD!

My VPNs are fine, thank you very much. Go blame something more likely.

Sheesh - not even 0800 and my Dumbshield levels are already falling.

< clickety *change password to "donotforgetmeagain" and remove password change facility* click >

That should get the message across!

In Praise of the Dumbshield

Boxers and rugby players - in fact, anyone taking part in an active pursuit - wears a gumshield to protect their teeth.

Those of us in the IT Support business, though, have no need to protect our pearly gnashers. Rather, it's our poor battered brain cells that suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous lusers.

So - I'm sure you can agree that we all wear our very own mental Dumbshield.

As we work our way through the day's idiocies, our Dumbshield effortlessly counteracts the stupidity of those with which we wrestle. It is the Dumbshield that insulates us against the excesses of users and inures us to their cretinous witterings.

Were it not for our Dumbshields - well, let's just say that there'd be a waiting list for water towers. And rifles.

So it was unfortunate today that my Dumbshield was almost defeated - by a series of heinous attacks not by the Generally Clueless, from whom I expect nothing more, but by those in our own rarefied profession.

Part One - On the difference between inside and out
So our largest client does a great deal of work for a Major Computer Company. To protect the guilty, I will call them Halfwit Packrats. In order to facilitate the work done for Halfwit Packrats, $CLIENT has a VPN. Supplied by Halfwit Packrats, and 'supported' by them too.

Anyhoo - overnight Halfwit Packrats update the VPN client. Without telling $CLIENT, who suddenly discover a marked inability to connect to the VPN. Call us. We troubleshoot, and I end up talking to a Helldesk Drone from Sector 7G (VPNs) of Halfwit Packrats.

• Me: "Have you changed the VPN gateway?"
• HD: "Yes, it's foo.bar.baz.qux".

• Me: < fx="clickety-click">"No, it isn't"
• HD: "You also need to add this IP to your outbound ACL - foo.bar.bop.blah"

• Me: *sigh* "Nope - that's an internal address."
• HD: "Add this one too! blah.blah.blah.blah"

• Me: < whimper > "So you've gone from one gateway to three - two of which are internal, all of which are to be used simultaneously? Why - and how?"
• HD: "Well if you want to access the Halfwit Packrats VPN, you'll actually need to open the following address range - foo.bar.0.0/16 outbound"

• Me: "That /16 just happens to be <> YOUR ENTIRE INTERNAL ADDRESS SPACE FOR THE ASIA PACIFIC REGION!"
• HD: "Durrrr...well you need to permit that address range on the firewall"

• Me: "OK, pretend I have no Clue and that you understand what you just said - then explain to me how my lusers connect to every single internal address on your network, including how doing that would, in any way, relate the the concept of Virtual Private Network. Oh, and don't forget to add in how they would actually reach your INTERNAL addresses across the Internet."
• HD: "Oh, they can reach them easily through the VPN Concentrator".

I could almost hear his personal lightbulb come on as he spoke.

• Me: < mode="sweetness & light"> "Ooo, a VPN Concentrator! You don't think I might have the address of it, do you?"
• HD: "It's blah.blah.blah.blah".

One < fiddle > in the ACL later, and LO, the VPN did arise again, and packets did move on the face of the ethernets.

Dumbshield Status: 60%

Anyway, I cheered myself up by resolving a couple of easy calls and slurping vast vats of coffee - and just as my mood was brightening, An Email hit my Inbox.


Part Two - On Fault Reporting
This was a good email. This email came from our support colleagues in Eastern Europe, who are supposed to be our opposite numbers in both role and skillset.
The Email Said Thusly:

"We are having problems connecting to $DATACENTRE. Please resolve"

Well, let's see, you Euro-Plonker.

"Can't connect to $foo" is most assuredly NOT a valid fault report. I'd expect that sort of muppetry from a Common-or-Garden Luser, but another Helldesk? Where's the screenshot of the error message? A traceroute? Basic stuff, chaps. Perhaps the mental torture of drafting a 9-word fucking email forced a temporary neural shutdown. Or perhaps you're just cretins. I remain undecided.

One brief email ensues, explaining that the (non-specific) outage was caused by a transient network error, now resolved. Of course. Call closed.

Dumbshield Status: 30% - Warning, Dumbshield Levels low, Luser penetration possible

More coffee ensues, and I while a few happy minutes trying to work out why $SENIOR_PERSON had a spam hit her Inbox suggesting that she might like ejaculate on her face. Then - the grand finale.


Part 3 - On the Difference between My Problem and Your Screwup
Another email hits - this time from one of our Oracle DBAs - again, someone we could reasonably expect to have at least a basic degree of Clue.

My faith in humanity - or at least, Orrible DBAs - takes another beating as I read the HTML dribble in front of me:

"The VPN is broken. I can't connect."

Oh, my VPN is broken, is it? Is it really? Then what, precisely < checks > in the name of ARSE am I connected to?

A few more < clickety-clicks > and I start to wonder.....

...Reset user password. Wander over to Orrible DBA's desk.

• Me: "Would you try logging in with this new password?"
• ODBA: "Well that won't work, the VPN's broken"

• Me: "Humour me - please"
• ODBA: "OK then" < fx="clickety">
• ODBA: "Hey, it works! You fixed the VPN!"

< gibber > Shield Down! Shield Down! Dumbshield has Failed!

So I'm slowly bouncing back now - but I need to get a new Dumbshield.

Lusers, lusers everywhere, even where you'd expect Clue. My cynicism meter needs recalibration.

Today I have been mostly....

...messing about with video compression.

I do like my days off - I can spend a whole day geeking out, using my machines to do stuff I've been meaning to do (interspersed with household chores, of course - got to keep the Darling G happy).

Tonight is the third week of my photography course, which I'm really looking forward to. It'll be a shame when it ends next week.

Didn't manage Judo last night. I was feeling too tired and groggy, and it's really not a good idea to do an intense contact sport unless feeling 100%. Unless you like Casualty wards, that is.

I am still suspenseful.

Gerry's away again tonight - Yorkshire last night, and Worcestershire tonight. Even though I'm used to her being away - and sometimes extended absences - I still miss her terribly. I never sleep well when she's not there, which made last nights' bout of insomnia even worse.

I finally dozed off at about 0200, having actually gone to bed at 2100. Being woken by $mother-in-law at 2200 was, as it happens, not helpful.

Insomnia...

...is a Bitch.

I spend all day feeling worn out and knackered, fall asleep at quarter to nine...and am woken at 2145 by $mother-in-law.

Now I can't get back to sleep.

Insomnia is a Bitch.

In suspense....

I am. . . suspenseful.

I can't say more than that.

There are things which might be occurring, possibilities which may become probabilities, chances which have the outside potential to be certainties.

Cryptic I know, but I need to be cryptic as these things are for me and me alone.

As these things change state, perhaps I can write about them and how they makeme feel.

More to follow. . . . ?

WTF. I mean, seriously, WTF???

I'm frequently accused of 'ranting' when it comes to the inequities of our current Government.

But yesterday's Pre-Budget Report - and the BBC's coverage of same - can lead me to only one question:

WHAT THE FSCK??

I know that we are living in a 'fake' democracy. I know that our politicians view us as farm animals, milked of our resources and kept in an information-free pasture.

But come on, Mr Darling. Do you seriously, seriously believe that anyone with an IQ above room temperature couldn't see straight through the poorly spun, plagiaristic BOLLOCKS you spouted in the Commons?

It's sad enough that you think you can get away with it. Even sadder that Auntie Beeb make it sound like you're not talking arrant tosh.

Given that you are clearly unable to do basic mathematics - or to understand the essential difference between 'new policy' and 'rehashed announcement in a desperate and ultimately failed bid to regain the political initiative', perhaps you might like to consider the information below:

You did not Increase the Inheritance Tax threshold
I'm sorry to break it to you, Darling, but you didn't. You see, the current limit is £300k. Per person. You announced, in the Commons, that the limit would be 'increased' to £600k. Per couple.

Basic Arithmetic 101: 300 + 300 = 600

Google has a calculator function if you are that unable to fucking add up.

So just to clarify - you took something that was already in place and which could already be achieved with a simple legal document - and made it sound like you were doing something more.

And what's this - taxing non-domiciles? Hang on, this sounds familiar! Would that be because it's the SAME policy announced by George Osborne at the Tory Party Conference?

So - what we see here is a strategic masterstroke, therefore, by Gordon Brown.

Make noises about an Election, make sure your minions are poking the right people - even Nick Robinson thought it was going to happen - and force your opponents to publicise their policies.

Then steal them, and say 'no, of course we're not going to have an election'.

Next, announce those fiscal policies as your own. For bonus points, and to show your complete contempt for the British people, announce these 'new' policies just 1 WEEK after your opponents went public with them.

We're all too stupid to notice, right?

RIGHT?

Robbed!

Oh well. The QVC Presenter Search Final was won, in the end, by Craig.

Sam was tremendous and did her best, and we're proud of her - I doubt it's the last we'll see of Sam on our screens!

Shout Out to My Sis - Good Luck!

Those of you who follow my myriad ramblings on Twitter will know that Sunday is a Very Important Day.

This Sunday my sister - the lovely, gorgeous and exuberantly talented Sam - is in the Final of the QVC Presenter Search competition - an X-Factor stylee contest with a years' presenting Contract at stake for the lucky winner.

Sam has worked tirelessly since graduating University to get into presenting - from working with Aardman Animation, working as the Production Assistant on Bargain Hunt, presenting small, international programmes on cable - but this is a big chance.

From over 20,000 potential hopefuls, the field was thinned...and thinned...and thinned...until as of a few weeks ago, just 8 remained, and they had to endure 'trial by TV Vote' each week, along with the pointed comments of judges, to get to where we are now.

........We interrupt this program, as the author wishes to make some personal observations regarding Guest Judge Vanessa Feltz...
Vanessa, FOAD you fat, snide, cretinous, miserable excuse for a human. Please slink into the obscurity you so richly deserve.
................Thankyou, we now return you to our scheduled programming...

The Final.

So now it all comes down to this. 3 Contenders, 1 Show. 6pm Sunday, QVC.

We're all going to be there - all her friends and family, which is a big crowd - all wearing our 'Vote Super Sam' t-shirts and green afro wigs in her honour. Cheering, shouting and supporting her with all our hearts for her to achieve what she wants and deserves so much.

Please, if you can spare an hour, tune in and watch Sam on QVC Presenter Search, 6pm Sunday on the QVC Channel, and give her your support too.

Go Sam!!
Text 'VOTE SAM' to 80782 on Sunday Night!

On the failings of the Human Memory in Politics

UPDATE:
I believe in Conviction Politics, whatever colour your rosette. To this end, I've created a Pledge to that effect. Please Pledge your support by agreeing to turn out and Vote with your conscience at the next General Election. Thank you.


You know, for the longest time I've tried to avoid venting my opinions about the current political situation. Improvements in my life have meant that the rage, which previously drove me to comment on any and all political pronouncements or events, is no longer part of my life, and is not missed in the slightest.

All that aside, sometimes I'm still struck by the urge to write - when the news just gets too much, and Gerry can't handle me griping at the TV any more. And now, I'm filled with the desire to ask just one simple question:

PEOPLE OF BRITAIN, WHERE'S YOUR MEMORY??

I've been watching coverage of the Conferences over the last couple of weeks, and it appears that we're driving headlong toward a much-needed snap Election. Yet unbelievably, the general opinion is that the 'new' Prime Minister should be 'given a chance' and that 'things might change'.

I can only assume from this that the average British voter is so dulled, so inured to spin, lies and misleading statistics that they cannot see the facts for what they are.

For the record - Gordon Brown is not some new rescuer, parachuted in from nowhere to save British politics.

Gordon Brown was, for ten years, the Chancellor of the Exchequer for the very Government that has caused the problems we all suffer with now.

- It was this Labour Government which increased the Tax burden through rises in stealth taxation (99 tax rises between 1997 and 2006) - recommended in the Chancellor's Budgets. By Gordon Brown.

- It was this Labour Government which raided UK Pension funds by scrapping Dividend tax relief - recommended in the Chancellor's Budget. By Gordon Bown.

- It was this Labour Government that raised £22.5bn with the sale of 3G licenses, yet we now have a massive budget deficit of £7bn. And who was the Chancellor presiding over this mammoth wastage? Yep. Gordon Brown.

- Iraq and the WMD lies. The Cabinet voted (with notable exceptions) for military action in Iraq, and to stand by the 'Dodgy Dossier'. Who was the second-most senior member of the Cabinet? Any guesses? Anyone? Well done. Gordon again.


Then - as if that lot isn't enough, look at the policy 'promises':

TOUGH ON CRIME, TOUGH ON THE CAUSES OF CRIME
Violent crime is up. Gun crime has risen fourfold since 1998. Antisocial behaviour complaints have risen massively. Oh, and we've run out of prison places.

IMPROVING THE NHS
Incidence of MRSA infections in UK hospitals has risen 31.5% since 1998. The NHS has been suffering a budget crisis since 2006. There's a huge problem with NHS dentistry, and problems with the GP service both during working hours and out-of-hours despite the much-vaunted - and wrong - new GP Contracts.

So despite ten years of increased taxation and ever-better promises, we are in fact worse off and worse served than we were in 1997.

Yet Labour still scream "remember the Tories! Remember how bad it was!". And, dutifully, the general populace believes them.

Yes, the Tories made mistakes in their 18 years. But as I recall, the last Labour administration nearly destroyed the country - anyone care to recall the Winter of Discontent? Or what the higher rate of income tax was? (83% - yes, 83%). Or, for that matter, what the BASIC rate of Income Tax was prior to 1979? (33%).

The other commonly-raised spin is that the Tories were the party of 'sleaze'. Yeah, right. Remember how Bliar said that his New Labour Government would be 'whiter than white'?

Are we supposed, therefore, to ignore David Blunkett? There's 2 incidences of sleaze right there. Or Peter Mandelson? Another two. Or Keith Vaz. Or Tessa Jowell and the mystery mortgage. And let's not forget the sitting Prime Minister being interviewed by Police in connection with 'Cash-For-Peerages'.


You may think, after seeing all that, that I'm going to try and persuade you to vote Conservative. But I'm not. Neither am I going attempt to sway you to Lib-Dem, Plaid Cymru, SNP or even Monster Raving Looney.

It's not my job to persuade people how to vote. A vote is a precious thing, and something we're lucky to have.

What I want to do, more than anything else, is persuade you to THINK.

Please, don't be swayed by biased reporting (you'll see that the links above aren't just from right-wing publications, there are independent and left-wing sources in there too). Don't be led by spin, or promises from any side.

Read. Get your political information from multiple sources. Make your mind up with the care and consideration suffrage deserves.

But please, please PLEASE - Use your MEMORY. Just because there's a new face at the helm, don't believe it's a new start, especially when that 'new face' has been a senior member of Cabinet for the last decade.

Whoever leads this Government today, they need to answer for the actions and errors of the last 10 years.

Thanks for reading.

New Shiny Toy - Early Impressions

I've been intending to do it for a while, but yesterday I finally bought myself a new laptop.

I marched into PC World in Oxford, credit card in hand, fully intending to purchase a Samsung Q35 - and ended up walking out with an Advent 8212.

Some may ask - why buy a much lesser-known brand laptop? Well, the spec was pretty irresistible - a considerably higher spec than the Samsung - yet the price was the same. Additionally, when I did a side-by-side comparison of the two machines, the display quality was actually higher than the Samsung, and I even get the same warranty.

So - I have the laptop, it's fully charged and I've had a day to play with it so far. These are my initial opinions on the box, and I'll post more once I've lived with it for a while.

Specification
One of the first things that attracted me to the Advent was the spec, which is as follows:

- Intel Core Duo T7100 @ 1.8GHz;
- 2048MB DDRII 667 RAM;
- 120GB HDD;
- Shared graphics (it says up to 128MB, but is actually taking 448MB for VRAM!)
- Integrated 1.3MP webcam;
- 12.1" Widescreen TFT @1280 x 800 pixels
- Vista Home Premium.

Compare that to the spec of the Samsung - T5200 @1.6GHz, 1GB RAM, 100GB HDD, 128MB graphics, no webcam - and consider that this was the same price - £599. So you can see there that with the Samsung, there's an immediate cost based upon the brand.

First Impressions
Once I got the laptop home, and left it to charge up for a while (probably the hardest part of the whole thing was resisting the temptation to play with it), I settled in for my first experience of Windows Vista.

The first thing I noticed was the keyboard. I'm a touch-typist, and often find that laptop keyboards are a little small for doing that comfortably. However, despite its diminutive size, the keyboard works well, with a positive reaction from the keys and a 'desktop' feel. If I'm being really picky, I'd complain that the shift keys are a little small - but I'm already adapting to that.

Vista itself is certainly pretty - it defaulted into a dark taskbar and desktop, which was great for me as I would have set it to that anyway. The default sidebar is useful and easy to configure - more on that later.

As for the eye-candy - well, I have to say that I love it. I could spend hours playing with te window animation when I press 'Win+Alt'. I know it's similar to the Expose feature in Mac OSX, but it's done well. The additional Aero feature of showing a teensy window - with animation - on the taskbar when you hover over it is also impressive!

One of the features I was delighted to find in Vista Home Premium was the Terminal Server Client. I use RDP a lot, connecting to other machines on the home network, and was expecting it to be absent as it was in XP Home. To have the client as standard on Home Premium has saved me a lot of hassle.

Firefox and AVG Free both installed with no problems or incidents, and Windows didn't baulk at having Firefox set as the default browser.

VMWare Player also installed with no issues, giving me a virtual Ubuntu Linux desktop if I need it. I may dual-boot in the future - as yet I'm undecided.

Sidebar
The Sidebar has already turned out to be a useful tool.

Once I'd removed the useless gadgets I didn't need - like a weather report, RSS reader and (for some reason) a picture slideshow, I was left with just a clock. I prefer analogue, so this is nicer for me than the standard digital clock on the taskbar. I then downloaded and installed a couple of other gadgets from the Microsoft Gallery, including an RDP shortcut and a CPU/RAM meter. Both were quick and easy to install, and just work.

The Sidebar does take up some screen estate, but I've intentionally got mine set up to always be available. Obviously that's my choice, if you change the properties you can use the full widescreen and just see the Sidebar on the Desktop.

Performance & Battery Life
After such a short time with the laptop, I can't give definitive answers yet - but my initial impressions are good.

I went into this with some concerns, as I've read all the stories about how resource-hungry Vista is and wasn't expecting miracles. And it's true that Vista takes a LOT of memory. Running with just RDP and Firefox open (5 tabs), memory usage is at 43% - that's 880MB! I think we can safely say that 2GB is necessary.

The fan isn't hugely quiet, but it only runs for a couple of seconds at a time unless under heavy load, and even if running constantly it's not overly intrusive.

As an experiment last night, I decided to do a lot more and run the machine down from fully-charged to zero as quickly as possible.

So....I opened Firefox and IE7, opened some pages including some Flash animations and Windows Update, connected to my server via RDP, started copying files from there to the laptop, and dug out my 'guilty pleasure' - the 'Hackers' DVD, popping that into the DVD-RW drive on the right side of the laptop.

Then I took out the power cable, and sat down to watch the movie!

With all of that running, CPU usage climbed to between 60% and 80%, as did RAM usage. Battery charge dropped fast - yet I was still able to see the plucky, innocent hackers beat the big, bad villians and Dade Murphy get the girl.

There were no hangs or stutters from Media Player either.

First Impressions
Overall, my first impressions of this laptop have been overwhelmingly positive. I've tried it doing more than I would normally do with a lappy, and so far it's met every one of my challenges without breaking a sweat.

I'm delighted with my purchase, and would recommend this Advent model to anyone looking for a decent-spec subnotebook under £700.

The Experience of a Lifetime, or Wot I Done on My Holidays

PHOTO ALBUMS ARE HERE and HERE

Well, we're back, having just had the most amazing holiday I've ever experienced.

We flew to Tanzania and spent 5 days on safari, followed by three days in the old Stone Town of Zanzibar and finishing with 6 days on the paradise of Pongwe Beach Resort in Zanzibar.

Well, that's the basic description - but the reality was just incredible....

So on 18 August we grabbed our backpacks and lugged them to Heathrow, flying to Dar Es Salaam by way of a stop in Doha in Qatar, and after 26 hours finally pitched up at our hotel in Arusha. Arusha isn't the nicest of towns, and I have to say it was a little unnerving to find our hotel protected by an armed guard!

A Shaky Start

We were awoken early on the Monday morning by the building shaking. I'm not joking - a stressed-concrete building shaking like an alcoholic with the DT's. It turns out that we were 85km from the epicentre of an earthquake registering 5.2 on the Richter Scale - an interesting alarm call, and one I've no desire to repeat! The earthquake even made the news.

Oh, and it was no warmer than the UK, and it was raining. Hard. Not the most auspicious start to our trip!

After an 'interesting' breakfast - scrambled eggs, tinned mushrooms (with mixed veg), baked beans with garlic and something that was almost, but not quite, a frankfurter - we were picked up by our safari guide Hussein, introduced to our camp cook Ema and we were off, with a 2-hour drive through the rain to Tarangire National Park.

After setting up our little tent in the campsite, off we went into the park, the weather clearing above us - and within minutes we'd come face to face with our first animal - a giraffe, about 20 feet from us and totally unconcerned by the excited humans in the white Land Cruiser snapping away at him!

From that point on, the wonder started. We were lucky enough to come across a family of elephant with a calf, and we sat there for easily 20 minutes, watching the calf suckling from its mother as the herd lazily grazed on the acacia bushes.

Seeing this - sat no more than 15 feet from a herd of grazing elephant, barely daring to breathe loudly - I finally realised how incredible this was going to be. Part of me had expected the safari to be almost like a trip to a safari park, with us in a vehicle looking at animals. But the reality is totally different - I felt like I was in their space. Those elephants knew we were there, and we were watching them because they chose to allow us to do so. These weren't transplanted animals - we were the ones transplanted to their place.

After our first overnight stay, when I learned just how unnerving it is to go to the toilet at night on a campsite in an African national park, we were off again, heading up to the Serengeti National Park.

It's at this point I should mention the roads.

The Road Less Travelled

The trip to Serengeti is about 250km - 155 miles. Not that far, really, and about the same distance as I travel to visit my parents, a journey which takes about3-4 hours.

In Tanzania, it took almost 7.

There is a road between Tarangire and Serengeti - note that, one road - and it travels through the Ngorongoro Crater Conservation Area then winds on into the Serengeti National Park. The road through Ngorongoro is managed by the Conservation Area, and the part through Serengeti by the National Park. There's no central funding.

None of it is paved.

This means that the Ngorongoro stretch is a winding dirt track climbing into the clouds which permanently surround the Ngorongoro Crater Rim - where it becomes a mud track - then down onto the Serengeti plain, where the heat has created a lunar landscape and a track of rocks and dust. We slipped and slithered our way up, picking our way around broken-down and crashed lorries (and trying not to think of the 600m drop the other side of us), and then we were heading on, in dust so thick you sometimes couldn't see ahead of you, jolting and bumping and rarely exceeding 50km/h, using whichever side of the road was smoothest at the time.

Gerry and I silently blessed the bandanas we'd bought as last-minute purchases as we juddered along, hair and clothes thick with dust, mouths and noses covered like Mexican bandits, nothing in sight for mile after mile other than twisted acacia and the odd Maasai farmer.

Finally, after a late meal stop, we were in Serengeti National Park, we saw our first lion and every bone-jarring second of our drive was worthwhile.

Serengeti

I think that everyone has their own mental image of what Africa 'is' - it might be the endless sands of the Sahara, or tribal violence in the Congo, or even the soukh in Tangiers. But for me, when we pitched our camp in the Serengeti National Park, I was in the Africa I'd always imagined. Childhood images, created and shaped by wildlife documentaries, were made absolutely real.

From the door of our tent, we could gaze out over a vast panorama of dried grasses, twisted and flat-top acacia, puncuated by giraffes ambling past in the distance with their long, swinging gait and small herds of Thompson Gazelles. Mongooses and Bush Hyrax scuttled around near the camp kitchen searching for small insects and scraps of food. We ate our evening meal in the Serengeti sunset, and went to sleep early lulled by the night sounds - the incessant chirp of cicadas and the occasional lonely whooping call of a spotted hyena wandering past the campsite.


Facilities in the campsite were primitive indeed. The toilets were simple squats or, amazingly, a concrete dais with a toilet seat over the top, all above deep pits. The only water supply came from an almost-empty plastic tank. There was a bucket shower, and Gerry gratefully used it, only to find that it belonged to an enterprising local who wanted to charge $5 for the privilege! A quick word with our guide, and he was gone the next morning - sadly along with his shower, which meant that we had to wash in about an inch of water in a bucket.

Despite the presence of toilets, though, we were strongly advised by our guide not to use them after dark, as it was impossible to know what would be coming through the camp by night. This stern warning was reinforced the first morning, when we found out that two lions had come through at 5am, getting a drink from the water supply! We'd slept through it, but our cook Ema had been up and about in the camp kitchen with his colleagues, and they'd had a scary few moments.

Serengeti was our first real exposure to the awesome power of the African sun. On our arrival, I took my shirt off for just 15 minutes while pitching the tent, and ended up with sunburned shoulders!

But it was the wildlife in Serengeti National Park that really blew us away. While it could be quite a time between sightings, simply because of the sheer size of the Park, when Hussein found something it was normally something special.

A quick Stat-Spot: Serengeti National Park covers an area of almost 15,000sq km. That's 6,000sq miles. For perspective, that's an area the size of Yorkshire.

An amazing highlight of the first full day was seeing a lioness plodding along the side of the road, closely followed by her cub, who couldn't have been more than a month or two old. We were so close we could almost have touched him - though that would not have been sensible - and we watched her pad off to wherever she was going, with him jogging along behind trying to keep up.

We saw leopards, lazily sprawled in the branches of their favourite trees watching the world pass by. Ostrich couples striding along (and in one instance mating - the ridiculous dance the male ostrich does before 'performing' made me wish I'd had a video camera!). A Cheetah with her cubs, hiding in the long grass of the plain. A trio of older lion cubs, sunning themselves on a kopje while they waited for their mother to return with food. Ox-Pecker birds, with their brightly-coloured beaks, feeding on the ticks in the skin of Giraffes. Herds of Hippos wallowing contentedly in their pool while basking crocodiles looked on.

The sights seemed never-ending, and every time we thought we'd seen the most unexpected or beautiful image, something else would come along to surprise us. Hussein was fantastic, glued to his radio as we drove along, listening to what other guides were finding as he looked out for memorable sights for us.

A Memorable Finale to Serengeti

Our second (and final) full day in Serengeti produced two of the most amazing, rare and memorable sights of the whole safari.

About 30 minutes into our morning game drive, there was a sudden burst of excited Swahili over the radio, and Hussein immediately turned the vehicle around and sprinted back the way we'd come. Believe me, it was as fast as he could go - and 50km/h on a dirt track is plenty fast enough! All he'd say was it was 'something special' - and the last time he'd said that was for the lioness and her cub, so we knew we were in for a treat.

We certainly were. There, just a few feet from the road, was a pride of over 20 lions with a fresh kill - a buffalo that we'd photographed just the night before. To see a pride with a kill is rare, and if it is seen it's normally at quite a distance. Here, though, we were so close to the action that we could hear the purrs of the lions as they ate, hear as well as see their teeth tearing the flesh. We were awe-struck, and we watched in wonder, ignoring the traffic jam of safari vehicles as more and more viewers rushed to the scene. The lions were totally unfazed by our presence, feasting on their prize and, as they ate their fill, strolling off to bask in the grass.


It was a jaw-dropping piece of wildlife reality, and something that I'll remember for a very long time.

Then, just to round off our time in Serengeti, as we drove along Hussein caught a glimpse of something moving in long-grass off to our left, some distance away. We stopped, grabbing the binoculars - and we were lucky enough to see a Serval - a small African wildcat, rare and difficult to see. I grabbed a photo, but even with a 300mm lens on the camera, it was hard to see.

Finally, we broke camp and headed off, again looking like Mexican bandits, back into the dust for the 5-hour drive to our next stop - the Ngorongoro Crater Conservation Area.

The Crater and the Buffalo

After juddering and bouncing our way along the dirt road, we finally reached our campsite on the Ngorongoro Crater Rim in the early evening, and wrenched our battered and dust-caked bodies out of the Land Cruiser in a place so different from the Serengeti we might have been in another country.

We were on a hillside in crystal-clear air, about 2600m (1.6 miles) above sea level and with a view that took in almost all of the Crater below. Though the toilets were just as primitive as the Serengeti campsite, this time they had electricity - which meant hot showers, and we gratefully took the chance to get properly clean for the first time in three days.

While we waited for dinner, we walked down the hill a couple of hundred metres to the bottom of the campsite to look at the view - and came face to face with a buffalo in the camp!

I immediately started taking photos of him, moving closer - and when I got within about 3m of him he raised his huge horned head, and stared straight at me, giving me the most amazing photo opportunity of this huge member of the 'Big 5'.


It was only as we walked away that a somewhat nervous South African guy approached me and asked what I'd been doing - then explained that I'd been 10 feet from an animal considered to be one of the most dangerous in Africa!

As the evening went on, it got colder and colder - at the altitude of the Rim, it's frequently below zero - so we tucked ourselves up in our sleeping bags and settled down for the night...only to be woken not long after midnight by an odd sound....which when we checked turned out to be zebra, grazing right outside the tent. They were so close that their every sound was audible, a cacophony of munching right by our ears.

The Big 5

With the sunrise, it was time to climb back into the vehicle and descend the precarious access road into the Crater itself.

With its steep sides, the Ngorongoro Crater keeps most of its wildlife in, meaning that there's plenty to see packed into just 264 sq km (101 sq miles).

Our first glimpse of something new came quickly, with a Spotted Hyena - the first time we'd seen one reasonably close - and then, as we rounded a corner in a wooded area, we came face to face with a huge old bull elephant. The safe environment of the Ngorongoro Crater means that the elephants tend to live longer and this old boy showed every year, with the longest tusks I've ever seen except on pictures of prehistoric mammoths!


Immediately after him, though, came the crowning moment of the trip to the Crater - if not the whole safari - as another call came through on the radio and off we dashed again.

This time, it was something not just special but incredible. Black Rhino - and not just one, but two together! There are just 23 Black Rhino in the entire Ngorongoro Conservation Area, and only 11 in the whole of the Serengeti, so to see one at all is a rare privilege.

They were too far away for a decent photo, even with a 300mm lens, but they were easy to see with our binoculars, and we were grinning like kids at Christmas as we realised that we'd seen the complete Big 5 - Lion, Leopard, Cape Buffalo, Elephant and now Black Rhino.

We drove on, with the weak morning sun meaning we had a rare chance to see hippos out of the water. For 3-tonne leviathans, they have an odd grace when moving, and we watched one with her calf as they grazed before returning to the cool of their waterhole.

Throughout the Crater were herds of Wildebeest, with Zebra intermingling with them, moving in seemingly never-ending single file from one apparently featureless point to another. We would stop to allow some to cross our path, then drive round a corner and find the head of the herd crossing again - animal after animal in single file, a column stretching for thousands of metres. While we didn't see the actual Wildebeest Migration - at this time of year the Wildebeest are well north in the Maasai Mara - just seeing these herds moving around gave us a small idea of how the full Migration must look when it's millions of animals moving as one.

All too soon it was time to move, and we wound up the even more precarious Ascent Road with me gripping the armrests, grey-faced with fear, and headed away from the Crater to our last safari stop - Lake Manyara National Park.

Manyara was, in some ways, a bit of an anti-climax - though we did get to see some fantastic sights, culminating in a troop of baboons relaxing together, grooming and playing in the gathering dusk. By the time we got there, we were tired, dirty and in all honesty looking forward to spending a night in a proper bed.

Manyara done, we took the drive back to Arusha, and collapsed into a proper bed for the first time in what felt like years.

After that - well, what can I say? A short hop to Zanzibar, and there we were in a tropical paradise. We spent our first three days in Stone Town, the oldest part of Zanzibar Town, and relished a soft mattress, before being picked up and chauffeured to our final destination for the remaining week - the Pongwe Beach Resort.

Paradise Found

Pongwe was, quite simply, the absolute image of a desert island, beachside resort.

With just 16 2-person bungalows, it takes a maximum of 32 guests, who are cared for by an incredible 67 staff! From the moment we arrived we were in the lap of luxury, with our every need catered to by smiling waiters.

Our bungalow was right on the beach, looking out over white sand and the vivid blue of the Indian Ocean. We could (and did) walk straight out of the front door and, holding hands, run straight into the warmest outdoor water I've ever swum in.

We were lulled to sleep each night by the gentle sound of the waves against the shore - and, actually, brutally woken by the screeching yells of bush-babies in the early parts of the night!

All too soon, reality beckoned and we were back in a taxi...then a plane...then another plane...then another plane...then a bus...then another taxi...and home, 26 hours after leaving Paradise.

As I finish writing this now, 2 weeks after our return, it seems magically distant, like a place I read about rather than experienced. Thankfully we have the photographs (see them all here and here), and each one evokes the memories - the sights, feelings and smells of Africa brought back to life through an image on a laptop screen.

Oh well - now it's back to the 'Lonely Planet' guides, so we can plan the next holiday of a lifetime - in 2009!

Aha, so THERE'S the problem!

Simple - my elderly PCMCIA wireless card isn't supported under Linux.

I think a trip to PC world looms....

Linux at last

So I finally have Ubuntu installed on my Thinkpad X30.

It's only taken me 5 months to get around to it!

Of course, WLAN doesn't work (can't find a correct driver for the wireless card) so I have a strand of Cat5 stretching across the living room, but it's a start.

Once again, when I finally have it installed, I'm struck by its speed and simplicity. It's clean, simple and easy on the eye, and It Just Works.

Except wireless. Which Just Doesn't Work.

But the rest does.

Hooray! Promotion!

I can't believe I've done it.

So as of Monday, I'll be a Second-Line Engineer at $WEMANAGESTUFF, having only started as a 1st-line Bob 5 months ago.

The new role was advertised Thursday night and I applied Friday morning, thinking I'd have a week or two to get my snout in the books and make sure I passed the tech interview....then Monday afternoon I get an email with an interview date - Tuesday at 3. Less than 24 hours notice!

Anyway, the night and following morning was spent cramming - 20 out of 23 hours were spent either delving in textbooks, making notes from Wikipedia and whatis.com and asking questions of anyone who came within range.

By yesterday afternoon I was knackered and ready to either puke or collapse with nerves when my name was called. . .

And I PASSED!

There was only one technical question I couldn't answer, and only one procedural one I got wrong, which I'm dead chuffed about.

So - as of next Monday, I'm Second Line.

The great thing is that here at $WEMANAGESTUFF, Second Line is a huge leap away from First in terms of activity. While First Line does a lot of problem resolution, the majority of it is directly customer-facing (resetting passwords, setting up Exchange distribution lists, editing AD accounts, that sort of thing). Second Line barely do any of that, instead focusing on our security, switching and mail systems.

So it's no more lusers for me, and fun with Checkpoint, Cisco and Sendmail into the future!

A return to normality. . . .

It's been a crazy couple of months...

The lovely G had to change jobs due to redundancy, and I've now moved onto the shift pattern (a week of 7-3 followed by a week of 3-11), and I'm still getting used to it.

What makes it a bit odd for me is that G's new job means stacks of travelling, and at the moment she's kinda on the opposite cycle to me - so she's at home when I'm on lates (meaning I don't see her as she's off to work before I wake up, and I'm gone before she gets back), and she's travelling when I'm on earlies - meaning I just don't see her!

In other news, I'm now the proud owner (finally) of a subnotebook - an IBM X30. It's great, but it would be even better if I could get Ubuntu installed on the bloody thing!

Order a USB CD-ROM drive: check.
Download and burn a bootable ISO of 6.10: check.
Test booting from USB with a 'doze recovery disk: check.
Test booting into Linux on my big laptop: check.

Insert Ubuntu boot CD into USB CD-ROM and reboot. Into Windows.

Ctrl-alt-del. Try again. Check BIOS again. Reboot. Into Windows.

So at the moment, until I can work out why the damn thing won't boot from two different Linux CDs, I'm stuck with XP Pro, heavily stripped and running ObjectDock.

If anyone can offer any suggestions as to a way round this, I'd love to hear them!

Almost a week. . .

. . and the new job is still very much a revelation.

It's such a surprising feeling to wake up at a decent time in the morning, after a decent nights' sleep, and actually to look forward to going to work!

The impact it's made on my mood, even in such a short time, is marked. Everything seems brighter at the moment, and I hadn't realised just how down and unhappy I was at work.

I'm learning so much about so many things, from Exchange administration to server management to SQL - with a spot of basic desktop support thrown in.

I can't describe how glad I am I made the move. Long may it last.

First Day. . .

. . and all is well.

Can I mention how bloody lovely it is to have a commute of just 20 minutes each way?

I can't remember the last time I got home without feeling exhausted.

I feel I have a steep learning curve coming - but it's going to be FUN.

Bullet Bitten, Beginning to Bob!

OK - it's now official so I can blog about it.

Those close to me will know that I've always been into technology and computing. Yet I've always done the sales side, with a little occasional support on the side.

As far back as three years ago, even my Dad (when I built him a PC for Xmas) had said I should consider being a techie as a career.

Over the last year or so, I've become less and less satisfied with selling the solution. I've become disillusioned with sales, and with the people I found were selling as well. In many (too many) cases, IT sales people are looking to close the deal, without understanding the technology or providing a solution that fits the need, preferring instead to make commission.


In fact, I've reached the point where I honestly believe IT sales is a career choice for ex-estate agents who think estate agency has become too honest!

That, allied to a 150-mile round trip commute every day, led to my decision. . .

I've done it. As of this Thursday, I am officially an IT Support Engineer (that's the job title). Basically, I'm going to be a Bob for $WEDEVELOPANDHOSTSTUFF - and I can't wait.

My now-ex company were most understanding - once I'd got past the "if you stay with us you're bound to make loads of money" spiel from the Sales Manager. "It's not about the money" is, I've discovered, heresy - and not something a Sales Manager can comprehend or offer any form of objection-handling to!

So, while in real terms I'm taking a pay cut, what this means is:

- A 20-mile round-trip commute, taking my time in the car from 3 hours per day to just 30 minutes;
- No sales targets;
- Such a HUGE drop in fuel costs and insurance that I'm actually better
off each month despite the pay cut;
- NO more cold-calling. Ever.
- No more suits. Or ties.
- $EX-WIFE gets less of my hard-earned every month (double bonus).

I've bitten the bullet - and even today, just 24 hours after handing over the letter, I can already feel the stress bleeding off and my mood improving.

They say when your job is also your hobby, you never work a day. I'm about to put that to the test - and I can't wait.

A Great and Geeky Weekend

. . .was had by all!

Saturday night was spent quaffing beer, burning Knoppix CDs and configuring xmame.


Mostly quaffing, in my case.

Sunday dawned, and we dragged ourselves to Worthing and the Sussex Linux User Group stand. . .


It turned out to be a great day out, introducing many people to the wonders of Open Source and what it could do (we had a MythTV demo thanks to Steve, a looped presentation on OpenOffice, my Ubuntu 6.10 laptop running Hak.5 videos, and an old P3 configured as the aforementioned MAME box running 'Gauntlet' and 'Star Wars'.




As well as that, it was a good chance to meet a number of SLUG members I wouldn't normally meet, given that I can't make the moots. So hello to Gareth, Richie, Colin and Dominic - and no doubt others whose names I can't recall at the moment!

More photos are here on Flickr.

I really enjoyed the day - it's interesting to see the range of reactions to Linux, and the enthusiasm LUGgers have for promoting it. The Fairs seem to me to be a good way of increasing awareness, and I'll definitely be promoting the idea with my local LUG, OxLUG.

All in all, a great weekend and a really enjoyable day out on the stand. I'm looking forward to helping out next month!

Lack of Posts. . .

. . But with good reason.

Sorry, there's a lot going on at the moment. Mostly good, but not postable at this time - watch this space.

One brief moment of humour to mention, though. . .

At work, I use a trackball instead of my laptop touchpad. I use one of these:


Call me odd - I just prefer a trackball to a mouse for everything except gaming.

Anyway, yesterday one of our Technical Pre-Sales guys - normally exceptionally Clued - was looking at some info on my machine. He needed to move the cursor. So. . his right hand falls onto the trackball - and he proceeds to move the entire thing around on the desk.

Cursor, of course, doesn't move. At all.

< snigger >

"Your mouse is playing up", was his comment. "It must be", I replied, "or, alternatively, you could try using it properly".

It took him two further attempts to move the cursor. Hmmm. I thought it was us Salesdroids who were supposed to be Clueless?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a great weekend coming up. I'm off down to Horsham to spend the weekend with my best mate Nik, and as well as drinking far too much, we're off to the BCF Fair in Worthing where we'll be manning - or geeking - the Sussex Linux User Group stand.

It's been a while since I gave some time over to serious geeking, and I am really, really, REALLY looking forward to it. Watch this space for photos and an update.

Oh, and my news once I can actually broadcast it.

It Just Works!

I'm still loving my Ubuntu install - it's given my laptop a whole new lease of life!

Here's a screenshot.....



I have to say I can strongly recommend this to one and all. It's been brilliant.

I've finally switched....

...So finally my laptop has a decent OS on it...

To be exact, Ubuntu Linux.

Installation took about 45 minutes, and everything except WLAN worked. It Just Worked.

Setting up the Wireless card took about another 15 minutes - my thanks to Midtoad for his excellent article about configuring the Broadcom wireless card on an Acer laptop.

This is the first system I've had that's exclusively Linux-based. It's already faster, and apart from a couple of problems with Flash (which I can live without) it's perfect.

No more viruses, no more spyware, no more resource-hogging firewalls. An infinitely configurable GUI.

I've switched.

You should too.

Life changes for the better

I used to believe that I only blogged - only actually wrote - when I was miserable.

For me, for the longest time, writing was a way to escape the things in my day-to-day life that made me so unhappy. I stayed glued to the news, puring my scorn and vitriol on anything that I could find.

Now - as the lack of posts here attests - I don't have that rage any more, nor the need to escape unhappiness.

And suddenly, over recent days, I've felt the urge to write again. The difference is that this time, my feelings are positive.

Last year, I made a hard decision and escaped the environment that was causing me pain. The fallout from that decision was painful in itself - not just for me but for others as well. And yet, 14 months on, I'm amazed and elated by the difference in my life.

I'm settled in a new relationship now - with someone who has brought me self-esteem and an inner equilibrium I've never really had before. She hasn't done this in a forceful way - just by being herself, and treating me the way she thinks I should be treated - yet in that treatment, she's created a calmer, more centred and happier me.

My parents and grandmother, who have dealt with the pain and fallout from my past life, have also been instrumental, as have friends - including one especially who, along with his lovely wife and beautiful daughter, welcomed me back as a friend when I had previously abandoned them.

For the first time in a long time - I'm happy. And I thank those who helped for it.

So. . . I'm going to try writing again. No negativity this time, no escape from pain and emotional torment - positives. Good stuff.

In other words - life.

Farewell car - an update

So I visited the crash compound to clear the car out, and took the opportunity to take some more shots.



I have to say, in the cold light of day the damage was more severe than I remembered.
Anyway, the upshot is that today I received a call from my insurers....and she's been written off.

That's the bad news.

The good news is that my insurers, who have proved so far to be absolutely fantastic, have made a much better offer than I was expecting, so I won't lose out as much as I anticipated.

My back's still stiff and sore, and I've got to get it checked out again - but having seen the damage, quite frankly I'm glad I was able to walk out of the car rather than get carried out!

So this weekend, I'm car-hunting (again). I'm resisting the urge to buy one of these so the next person who clobbers me comes off worse!

Farewell, sweet Car, I hardly knew you!

One day, the law of averages is gonna get you.

Yesterday was that day. Nine years of accident-free driving...gone.

Plus, I had the exciting experience of being strapped to a spinal board and spending two hours staring at a hospital ceiling.

Thankfully, no bones were broken and no blood gushing, but I'm gutted - I'd only had that car about 6 weeks!

Still, it's not my fault - and the nice gentleman who parked his Vauxhall Zafira in my boot didn't come off too well either. . . .


And for bonus points, the long line of 'indeterminate fluid' between the skid-marks, veering to where he stopped, indicates his radiator's fscked. Or he just lost control of his bladder. Oh, I do hope so. Either way, perhaps in future he'll look at the road in front of him.

Click on either of the images for larger versions in all their gory detail...

So I'm waiting for the hire car to arrive, and counting my blessings that I only suffered bruising and a whack of stiffness.

And as I lay in bed last night, my only regret was that I hadn't put my phone in 'voice record' mode when I got out of the car - his first words were "sorry, I didn't notice how slow you were going"! Admission of liability, anyone?

A Post at Last!

It's odd - there's been so much going on in the news recently.

The 'Jowellgate' affair. . .Bush and the Katrina Briefings. . . Lib-Dem <> Leadership Conteszzzzz (sorry, dozed off for a moment there). . .The financial crisis in the NHS. . .daily murders and bombings in Iraq. . .

The list is endless, and in earlier times I'd have been on here posting all night, venting my outrage and pouring vitriol on those responsible at all levels. Yet not now.

Why, I hear you ask?

Well - to be honest, I just can't summon up the rage any more.

A lot's happened to me in the last 6 months. Some of the events were, and continue to be, very painful emotionally. But out of the sadness has come a great deal that is good - in fact, better than my life has been for some considerable time, if ever.

When your life is unhappy, it's easy to seek outlets for the suppressed rage. Those outlets may be, and frequently ARE, totally unconnected with one's own situation.

Conversely, when things are good - in fact, very good indeed - there's no rage to need expression. So while I still watch the news avidly, and while I still comment on it personally and remain involved in relevant campaigns, I don't feel the need to scream any more.

So I'm sorry to those who used to look forward to my rambling political diatribes - this may no longer be the place for you. I plan to diarise the good things in my life from this point on.

On that note, I'm looking forward to heading off to CeBIT this year, where I'll be manning our stand from 13-15 March. I'm planning to take loads of photographs and, if I can get online enough, to post on some of the cool kit I see.

Watch this space . . .