Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Leader's Debate: Exclusive Poll Results

The Liberal Democrats saw their chances of seizing power in the General Election take a sharp upturn last night, after pundits agreed that their leader, er . . . em . . . whatsisname, gave by far the best performance in the first of three televised Debates.

In an exclusive poll for The Diary, taken in the minutes following the Debate*, viewers solidly indicated that they had been most impressed with 'that bloke on the left', with almost 22% actually knowing who on earth he was.

One elector said, "I thought that bloke with the yellow tie - what was his name, tip of my tongue...Vince, was it? No, Nick. That's it. Nick Griffin, I think, right? He was dead good, he said everything people wanted to hear. I was especially impressed with how he he promised everyone a pony if he became Prime Minister."

Our pollsters also found that Conservative Leader David Cameron had given a steady performance, doing a good job of defending himself against a two-pronged attack from both Gordon Brown and . . er. . him, you know. Bloke on the left, from the little lot.

There was less praise for Labour Leader Colostomy Brown, however, despite him having reportedly spent several nights mass debating with Peter Mandelson. Our poll indicated that 98% of viewers believe he remains a wonky-jawed halfwit with an even more slender grip on reality than he has on power.

Insomniacs across the nation are now eagerly awaiting the second debate next week, when Mr . . um . . you know, Lib Dem leader . . Mr Cable is expected to announce that a vote for the Limperal Dumbocrats will mean that everybody can have free Viagra and a two-inch longer penis.

* Sample size 7 individuals, unweighted. Except for the fat bloke. He was seriously weighted.

Results: Colostomy Brown (Labour): 2%
David Cameron (Conservative): 20%
That bloke from the other lot (Limp Dumbs): 22%

Who are you, and why are you phoning me up? (No affiliation): 56%

Stumble Upon Toolbar

No comments: