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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Ikea Introduce Political Kitchens

Swedish furniture maker Ikea has entered the political fray with a range of kitchens designed for MPs of each party, it was announced today.

The new designs, which will be available in all UK Ikea outlets, are designed to reflect 'the lifestyles and aspirations of each political party', according to an Ikea spokesman.

The range, which will be on sale until May 7th, includes:

The Kamerun, for Conservative voters and MPs, is manufactured from solid material to high standards, and prior kitchens in the range have provided sterling service for almost twenty years. The cupboard fronts and working surfaces have had their look improved recently. The Kamerum comes with a free coat-rack for your top hat and tails, and is built on a larger scale than the other two to provide room for your domestic staff to work. The Kamerun is the only kitchen in the range where cost of ownership will decrease over the years.

The Kleggi, designed for Liberal Democrats. Built to an EU-mandated design, the Kleggi at first glance appears actually to be completely different to any kitchen currently on the market, until you look closer and realise it's just got pretty cupboard-fronts. The Kleggi is marketed as having full compatibility with both the Brün and Kamerun designs, though the actual list of compatibility requirements make it difficult to achieve.

Finally the Brün kitchen is intended for Labour supporters. Designed from the outset with wonky hinges, it is fitted with appliances which have amazing specifications but which don't actually work and costs fourteen times more than you're originally quoted for it. Though when you first choose it it appears amazing, you'll quickly discover it's poorly-constructed, and when it falls apart after about ten years you'll have a devil of a job to get it out of the house.

A spokesman for Ikea said, "although we believe the biggest overall seller in the range will be the Kamerun, we've seen a lot of interest in the Kleggi. However, we expect that interest to dissipate once buyers realise that it's simply another version of the Brün with a more tasteful front."

Ikea also confirmed that they will be releasing a 'Gryffun' kitchen for BNP voters, which will include a Fisher-Price play cooker and only be available in white.

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