More than 20 bishops are to hold a bash at the Vatican over two days over the revelations of child abuse, along with allegations that several priests had used condoms when penetrating altarboys in defiance of Catholic dogma against the use of the contraceptives.
The Vatican's Secretary of State, Tarcisio Bertone, told the bishops that the use of prohylactics presented 'a hard and humiliating challenge' for the Irish Catholic Church.
"The use of rubber when within catamites is unnatural, hard and humiliating," he said as the bishops prepared to meet His Heiliness.
"It presents a serious challenge to communities, when using protection while trying to convince everyone else not to do so. Piling original sin on top of a bit of parish paedophilia does make the whole 'every sperm is sacred' thing a bit difficult to take seriously."
The 24 bishops will each speak to the pontiff about their knowledge of decades-long sexual, psychological and physical abuse of minors by parish priests and other clergy in Catholic orphanages, workhouses, and other institutions. One bishop said the talks would be "frank, as with all the Police operations it's hard to get to the good websites any more."