Labour Turn to Twitter for Manifesto Inspiration

Turning to Twitter: Millipede Minor seeks inspiration.

The Labour Party have turned to social networking sites in search of inspiration for their Election Manifesto, as the build-up to the next General Election begins in earnest.

The announcement was made by Minister for Something-Or-Other Ed Millipede through the 'LabourSpace 'F All' promotional site, and using his Twitter account.

Writing on the site, Mr Millipede Jr said, "we in the Labour Party want to hear what the British Voters want to see in our Manifesto. I know that normally we treat the Electorate as if they're moronic proles whose sole purpose is to hand over whatever cash we can leech out of them - but let's face it, after thirteen years of screwups, broken promises and knee-jerk reactions it's pretty clear that we don't have a clue how to move forward. On top of that, the Tories won't publish their Manifesto yet, so we can't do our usual trick of nicking their ideas either.

"So, it's down to you. Tell us what you want in our Manifesto. We'll listen, then file the answers away and produce the usual bollocks, dressed up in a myriad of meaningless soundbites and massaged statistics, then if we win claim they were all aspirations instead of commitments and carry on bumbling away as we have been. Sorry, did I say that last bit out loud?"

Initial reports indicate that the response to Mr Millipede's request has been promising, with both the site and Twitter buzzing with suggestions.

At present, the leading recommendation is for Labour to re-create their historic 1983 'Longest Suicide Note in History', but this time make it a Manifesto commitment that if they win the General Election, the entire current Cabinet will commit seppuku on Westminster Bridge at noon.

Bookmaker William Hill said that if the suicide pledge was to make it into the Manifesto, they would slash odds on a Labour Landslide from the current 1,000,000,000:1 to 2:7.

'The Wright Tweet': Top Tory Bloggers Change Allegiance

'Damascene moment': The Tweet that changed the world for political Bloggers.

A group of right-of-centre bloggers have today announced that they are withdrawing their support for the Conservatives, and are to put their support behind the Labour Party and PM Gordon 'Colostomy' Brown.

Speaking at a joint news conference, bloggers Iain Dale, 'Tory Bear' and 'Dungeekin' stated that they were changing their allegiance in response to the 'profound and meaningful campaign tactics' of Labour Minister David Wright MP.

Dale, who had formerly intended to stand as a Conservative Party candidate, confirmed that he had submitted a membership application to the Labour Party and added, "David Wright's description of the Conservatives as 'scum-sucking pigs' was so. . . so . . deep. It touched a nerve deep inside me, appealing to all that I believe to be good and worthy about political debate. I now know that Gordon is The Saviour of the World, and will devote the remainder of my life to ensuring a Glorious Socialist Future."

His words were seconded by 'Tory Bear', who said, "David Wright has shown me the error of my ways. I realise now that the 'I've Never Voted Tory' campaign by the Conservatives is an example of the nasty party's dirty campaign methods, forcing voters to look at the issues instead of noting how emotional Gordon can be on-camera with Piers Morgan. With debaters like David Wright MP in the Labour Party, I know now that I was foolish to think that the Tories were the party of the future. How can I have been so blind?"

Satirical blogger 'Dungeekin', who had previously made disparaging comments concerning the Labour Party, confirmed that he is to re-edit all his articles to say nasty things about David Cameron instead. He also said, "Seeing David Wright's erudition was my Damascene moment, and I am now totally converted. I am bowled over by the inherent kindness and gentleness of the Labour Party's Twitter-based campaigning, and hereby bestow all my worldly goods upon Gordon in abject obeisance at his majesty."

Other right-of centre Bloggers are expected to follow Dale, Tory Bear and Dungeekin 'across the floor' in the next few days, as the full impact and sagacity of Wright's ejaculation spread throughout the political blogosphere.

David Wright MP was unavailable for comment, as he was working with his Special Advisers to produce a further 140 characters of profundity, genius, kindness and wit.

Brown Faces Surprise Leadership Challenge

Brown: Leadership challenge from an unexpected quarter.

Labour voters have been thrown a surprise lifeline after the appearance of a potential new leadership candidate.

The candidate is believed to be Prime Minister Gollum Brown's 3-year-old son Fraser, who announced his presence on social networking site Twitter this afternoon.

Fraser Brown's enigmatic message, which read, "fvdfzsrsazxzzxcvbnmadgfhjjkqwrtyuuuiop" and which was presented without further comment, has provoked a storm of comment and mixed interpretations in the grass-roots Labour movement.

One fanatical Labourite, Ellie Gellard, was breathless in her praise, saying, "this is the Second Coming of Labour. I believe that Fraser's message shows that he is the true reincarnation of Aneurysm Bevan. He is the inspirational leader who will lead us to a glorious Socialist Revolution and re-election for a miraculous Fourth Term!", before being overcome and needing medical treatment.

However, this interpretation of the message was strongly challenged by Will Straw of propaganda site Left Foot Forward, who said, "this message is clearly in support of Gordon Brown, and supports further borrowing and investment instead of Tory cuts. I am moved almost to tears by its profundity".

Business Secretary Lord Fondlebum denied reports that he was negotiating with Sarah Brown for Fraser's leadership candidacy after the next General Election, but did confirm that he will be taking over responsibility for the boy's education with immediate effect.

David Cameron declined to comment on the developments, saying it was 'purely a Labour Party matter. However, The Diary approached Tory blogger and prospective Parliamentary candidate Iain Dale for comment, who said, I don't think we can read too much into a single Tweet. At present, all we can say at this time is that this message from Fraser Brown is clearer than anything his father has ever said".