All UK Homes to be Repossessed

A rare photo of Housing Twat John Healey without his foot in his mouth.

Every home in the country is to be repossessed, under a new Government policy announced today by Housing Twat Minister John Healey.

Though his words were somewhat muffled due to his foot being so deeply buried in his mouth, Mr Healey said, "our research indicates that for some people, it can be the best option to for them allow their homes to be repossessed.

"Applying our normal Ministerial logic, therefore, if it is the best option for some people then we must, in the interests of fairness, extend that to the population. After all, given that some people don't have homes, it's unfair to them that toffs have them, so by repossessing all houses it will bring in a truly fair, classless system."

The new policy is expected to be merged with a cost-reduction program in MPs expenses, with repossessed homes being made available to MPs for use as second and third homes.

A Housing Department spokesman said that the Mr Healey's policy was still in the consultation stages, and that a full national rollout of repossessions was not expected until the economy collapsed fully in the next Parliament.

However, an initial pilot scheme is to be launched in the next two weeks, under which the homes of anyone earning in excess of £50k joint income, or working in the banking sector, will pass into state ownership.