Terry, who made his name in the sport following a stunning performance with team-mate Wayne Bridge's girlfriend, will head up the GB team, according to team Manager and former champion Philanderer David Mellor.
Mellor, speaking from his traditional Chelsea strip, said, "I am delighted to welcome John as team Captain. His recent performance shows the winning blend of stamina, bare-faced cheek and disloyalty that makes him perfect to lead our team."
Terry, who until recently captained the England football team, will lead a GB team comprising some of the UK's most unfaithful bastards including veteran John Prescott, and Mark Oaten at the back. Pundits are expecting strong performances from the team, who are currently undergoing intensive coaching from Britain's top former talents including Chris Tarrant and Hugh Grant.
However, while Team GB is expected to make a strong showing, they are not tipped for Olympic glory - the US team is still favourite for the Philandering gold, with David Letterman on fine form and World No 1 Tiger Woods on top of the world after an 18-hole winning streak. Germany is also hotly tipped for success in the Quickie Eventing, following rumours that Boris Becker is to return from retirement.