Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Former US Vice-President Dick Cheney is recovering in hospital after being admitted suffering from chest pains, it was announced today.
His office said that he was 'resting comfortably' while doctors evaluated the situation.
Mr Cheney, 169, served as Vice-President from 2001 to 2009 under President George W Bush.
It is believed that Mr Cheney suffered chest pains during yesterday afternoon, while he was resting out of the reach of sunlight. An unidentified person is believed to have opened Mr Cheney's coffin and attempted to drive a stake into his heart in the mistaken belief that he actually had one.
A spokesman for Mr Cheney's office said, "Former Vice President Cheney suffered a stake-related injury resulting in chest pains. However, these are not believed to be cardiac problems, due to Former Vice President Cheney's lack of said organ. Garlic and Holy Water were found near the scene, but were fortunately not used on
The Count Former Vice President Cheney in this incident."
Washington Police said that they were keen to interview a mister Barack V Helsing in relation to the case. However, one Washington PD source said they were not investigating the incident as an attempted murder, as the law was 'vague in relation to the Undead'.