The new system marks the end of the traditional 'First Past The Post' voting method historically used in UK elections, which has been criticised in recent years for being unfairly biased, allowing the sitting Government to hold a majority despite a reduced share of the vote and being open to electoral fraud.
Announcing the revised voting system, Minister for Suffrage Skullduggery Lord Fondlebum of Fey said, "we believe the time is right for a new approach that will engage the electorate, and alternative voting is the means."
Created following a Downing Street mixup between a White Paper on electoral reform and birthday party invites for the PM's son Fraser, the new system is named FPTP - First Past The Piñata. Polls will open from 0800 and 2200, and during this time registered voters will be able to beat the candidate of their choice with a big stick. Once polling has closed, the prospective candidate with the fewest contusions will be duly elected as MP for their constituency as soon as they're discharged from hospital.
Since the announcement of Alternative FPTP, requests to be added to the Electoral Register have jumped by 40%, and Paul Counter, of pollwatchers Politicalbetting.com, said, "this new method, which will be used for the first time in the world in the upcoming Election, has been proved to be extremely popular with voters, who are relishing the chance to have both a voice in the governing of the UK and the chance to batter the politician of their choice. We are anticipating the largest turnout in a General Election since 1945.
"In fact, so far the only problem we can see is that as a result of the announcement, over twenty million people have registered to vote in the constituency of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath. I wonder why."