UKIP Announce New Manager

From no-hopers to no-voters: Eriksson's latest challenge.

Football fans and political pundits across the UK have been stunned by the announcement that Sven-Goran Eriksson has been offered, and accepted, the role of Manager of the UK Independence Party.

Eriksson, who will take up the position once negotiations for his release from Notts County FC are completed, was signed for a reported deal worth in excess of £10 per year.

The announcement was made by former UKIP Manager Nigel Farage and surprised pundits, who had confidently predicted that former Conservative peer Lord Pearson would be the new incumbent. However, Mr Farage said that the decision to appoint Eriksson was 'in the best interests of the Party', and he hoped that Eriksson would help UKIP capitalise on their strong performance in recent European fixtures.

Mr Eriksson said, "I believe I am the man to bring UKIP into a new attacking role. I have a track record of suc....well, I have a track record. And let's face it, after Notts County and England I'm pretty used to managing sides with absolutely no chance of winning big".

"Surprised and disappointed": Lord Pearson was hotly tipped for the job before Eriksson's shock appointment.

Lord Pearson said he was surprised and disappointed at the appointment of the former England manager, but added that he was now hopeful of taking over at Portsmouth FC.