Speaking through spritualist medium Derek Acorah, the father of the PM said he deeply regretted his actions leading up to the birth of Gordon, and wished publicly to apologise to the British people for the hurt and inconvenience he had caused as a result.
Former Church of Scotland Minister Mr Brown Sr said, "I feel that in this current spirit of apology for actions past which cannot now be changed, it's important that I say 'sorry' to the British people. Sorry that you were taken from relative financial comfort and placed in penury and a future of debt.
"Sorry for the totalitarian suffering, the fiscal starvation and the cold absence of competence, of a straight answer, of care for the nation."
Choking back emotion, John Brown added, "I said to Bunty - we're Presbyterians, not bloody Catholics. We're allowed to use birth control. But she wouldn't have any of it, one thing led to another and, well, the British people have suffered as a result. I deeply regret my selfish actions and should have withdrawn from the situation earlier. If I'd been more sensible and prudent, then that misbegotten wretch would never have come into this world, and it would've been all the better for it."
A spokesman for the British people said that while they accepted the late Mr Brown's apology, the damage was now done and the only action they required in reparation was the Prime Minister's apology and removal from office.