He tells me, "just because you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there. They're hiding".
Dungeekin Minor's fear has one advantage. He stays in his bed . . in other words, his fear of the monsters under the bed keep him exactly where I want him.
So the weekend brings us news that that colossus among statesmen, Gollum Brown, has castigated the Pakistani goverment and demanded that they 'take out' Osama Bin Laden.
A man once supported by us (that is, the US/UK 'special relationship'), who then turned against us and is now vilified as the world's most dangerous terrorist. A man who is never seen in person, but who periodically releases video recordings denouncing the West and all it stands for, and calling for root-and-branch change.A man who hates everything we stand for. A man who masterminds atrocities against our societies and who wishes us dead.
Osama Bin Laden is the bogeyman of Western government. He's the Keyser Soze of the terrorist fraternity, the Emmanuel Goldstein of the noughties.
This creature of the caves, the terror of Tora Bora, is the mythical fantastical monster that the Government use to keep us pliant. His spectre hovers over our daily lives. If we don't do what the Government says, Osama's gonna get us in our beds.
Osama Bin Laden drives the legislation that controls us. If we don't have ID cards, Osama will blow us up. If we don't have 42-days detention, Osama will unleash a 'dirty bomb'. If we don't have CCTV, Osama will slaughter us in our sleep.
If we don't send our troops to Afghanistan, Osama will unleash a jihad upon western shores, destroying the world as we know it. So we'd better have another billion or three in defence appropriations.
I ask you to consider Brown's demands, and then consider this...
If Osama is captured or killed, there is no need for an Afghan war of occupation. There's no need for ID cards, 42 days or any of the other legislation we currently suffer under. There would be no need for the massive diminution of Civil Liberties we have had and continue to experience.
Yet this legislation keeps us powerless, and subservient to Government. And this fear of Bogeyman Bin Goldstein keeps us looking outward at an external threat, while ignoring the pernicious creep of totaliarianism on our own shores.
Ask yourself this. Is Bin Laden more valuable to this Government dead....or alive and scary?
Because I think if Bin Laden didn't exist, then they'd have needed to create him.