A spokesman for the EU said, "we needed someone with gravitas, statesmanship and style, who has a history of unifying European interests and peoples, and who genuinely cares. Obviously that ruled out Tony Blair on all counts.
"So after a lengthy period of consultation, we have decided that the only person meeting all categories is Stuart Hall".
The EU pronouncement has been met with consternation in the soon-to-be-abolished British Government. A Downing Street spokesman said, "we're disappointed that the EU has appointed a funny man, because we were firmly convinced that David Millipede was enough of a fucking joke by himself".
President-Elect Hall welcomed the appointment, saying that the role 'should be a laugh'.
In a related development, it has been announced that with immediate effect, all national anthems are abolished, and countries will be required to play the new EuroNational Anthem at functions and sporting events.
The new EuroAnthem can be found here.