'Candle in the Wind' - Redux

So apparently, Justice Populist Jack Straw has altered the bail conditions of a man convicted of assault, so that he can spend his wedding night with his new bride. Yeah, I can just see that happening for anyone else.

I've also heard a rumour that Saint Jade's wedding night may be being spent at one of Sir Elton John's properties. Well, given his form, I've decided to save him the trouble of doing what he did for Diana, and have rewritten 'Candle in the Wind' in honour of Ms Goody. Enjoy.

'Goodbye People's Chav'

Goodbye 'People's Chav'
Though I never watched BB at all
You had no grace or talent
And between your ears fuck all
You crawled out of the woodwork
And into the pages of 'OK'
You signed up with Max Clifford
And made the papers every day

And it seems to me, you lived your life
As a minor media whore
Choosing who to sell the rights to
For each tabloid score
And though I wouldn't wish this on you
And I feel for your kids
This constant media coverage
Is getting on my tits

In press and on the news
Though millions suffer every day
In just the way you're suffering
Yet the story's all just you.
A shallow media life
Lived beneath a spotlight only gained
By racism and rudeness
And a total lack of brains

And it seems to me, you lived your life
As a minor media whore
Choosing who to sell the rights to
For each tabloid score
And though I wouldn't wish this on you
And I feel for your kids
This constant media coverage
Is getting on my tits

So Goodbye 'People's Chav'
Though I never watched BB at all
You had no grace or talent
And between your ears fuck all
Goodbye 'People's Chav'
From a man sick of the stories in the Sun
Who sees that you're nothing special
And there'll be others when you're gone

And it seems to me, you lived your life
As a minor media whore
Choosing who to sell the rights to
For each tabloid score
And though I wouldn't wish this on you
And I feel for your kids
This constant media coverage
Is getting on my tits