The Greater-Mouthed Premiership Manager, or Managerium Footballaris, is now so under pressure that the average life expectancy of the animal has dropped to just five months. The strain of a life lived in the spotlight of high-risk hunting for results, predatory referees and the demands of species further down the food chain, primarily the genus Professional Footballer (Primadonna Kickaballabout), has resulted in a dwindling pool of available specimens.
Randy Savage, spokesman for the WWF, said today, "something needs to be done to protect the F. Managerium species before it becomes completely extinct. Just today we heard that we had lost two more rare breeds - Luis Felipe Scolari (M. Brazilis) and Tony Adams (M. Buttuglius). This decimation of the species cannot be allowed to continue".
A Premiership source defended the survival rate of managers, saying that the attrition was 'within reasonable parameters' and, though there were some issues regarding poaching, they were looking at methods of breeding managers in captivity to ensure an ongoing supply in the wild.
We attempted to view the rare and unstable species Kevin Keegan (M. Flapaboutallot) but sadly he just started into a rant about Alex Ferguson and we lost interest.