Racist icon Philip, 126, filed for divorce in Bow Family Court yesterday following reports of domestic violence at Buckingham Palace, which led to him being photographed sporting a black eye.
An anonymous source at the Palace said, "Philip's always been terrified of Liz. She'll be fine for ages - and then she'll have a pink gin too many, and the fists start flying. She and her Mum used to give him a right kicking".
Her Majesty declined to comment, saying, "Get the f*** out of one's face! You want some of one? Do ya? F***ing come on then, one will have you!"