At a press conference in Sydney, promoting his Top Gear Live tour, Clarkson compared Brown negatively to Australian PM Kevin Rudd, saying, "Poor man - he's actually seen the books. We have this one-eyed Scottish idiot who keeps telling us everything's fine and he's saved the world and we know he's lying, but he's smooth at telling us."
The National Society of Village Idiots immediately condemned the outspoken presenter's remarks, which they said were 'insulting and demeaning to idiots everywhere'. The Society's Patron, Amia Thicki, called for Clarkson to apologise, and added, "the vast majority of UK idiots are decent, honest and hardworking individuals - just a bit thick. To compare them to a venal, psychotic, megalomaniacal whack-job like the Prime Minister is offensive in the extreme".
Labour Minister of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda, Derek
In a statement, released to rapturous applause, Jeremy Clarkson apologised unreservedly for the offence he had caused by his remarks. He said, "I realise that calling Gordon Brown a one-eyed Scottish idiot was offensive and has upset many of my fans. In clarification, what I meant to say was that we have a monocular Jock cretin claiming to be in charge, who can't even manage his own bladder control, much less the economy".
SNP Leader Alec Salmond offered your correspondent an interview, but we weren't interested in what the Jocks had to say about it.