Hard on the heels of the recent unprecedented blizzards and today's heavy rain, which has itself caused an increased risk of flooding in many areas, the Met Office has announced the following climate 'hotspots':
- A Rain of Frogs sweeping into North Wales and moving eastward, finally dispersing over West Yorkshire later;
- A Rain of Fire and Hail over the Highlands of Scotland, turning to sleet over Glasgow as it loses hope;
- A Plague of Locusts over South-East England and Kent, freshening;
- Outbreaks of boils in East Anglia, which is OK as nobody will notice.
Communities Lunatic Hazel Blears appealed for calm in the face of JHVH's wrath on the country, and sought to reassure everyone that there was no danger to their first-born. In a hastily-convened Press conference, Blears insisted, "The UK is perfectly safe. Remember, as Lord Mandelson told us, Gordon Brown is Moses himself so the British people are completely safe in His care".
Opus Dei weirdican Ruth Kelly was unavailable for religious comment, as she was playing with her cilice, but BBC Weather Girl Carol Kirkwood said, "We advise people not to travel, as getting a frog in the face at terminal velocity is not likely to make for a good day".