THE DIARY OF A GEEK IN OXFORDSHIRE


"Solving the World's problems with satire and a smile.*"

*And a flamethrower.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Toxic Ship Set for Brit Recycling


A former French warship carrying 700 tonnes of 'contaminated material' has reached British shores ready to be stripped for recycling.

The ship, formerly known as the Clemenceau, has joined other 'ghost ships' berthed at Graythorp in Teesside.

However, environmental campaigners have warned that its cargo, believed to be 700 tonnes of Celine Dion and Michael Bolton CDs, would be deeply harmful and should not be permitted near British shores.

Ms Hilary Dour, of pressure group Action Against Anything At All, screamed, "this is outrageously dangerous, allowing such a vast quantity of crap music into the British environment. There are even reports that the cargo may contain Milli Vanilli and, worse, Mariah Carey. We cannot allow this aural destruction to go unprotested - won't somebody please think of the children?".

An anonymous member of Hartlepool's Green Party also protested the arrival of the ghost ship, saying, "A lot of people don't want Hartlepool turned into a dumping ground. It's bad enough we've already got Mandelson".

Len Crushit, of recycling contractor Crushit, Smeltit & Sellit PLC, defended the safety of the planned works. He explained, "nobody will be exposed to Celine Dion's wailings as a part of the recycling process. Our workers are specially trained to endure awful screeching, and we have soundproofing and contamination systems capable of handling anything up to and including Minnie Ripperton".

Lord Mandelson of Foy and Hartlepool doesn't live there, so wasn't bothered.

1 comment:

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Will Action Against Anything At All ( or 5A ) campaign to have the crushed CDs spread on the roads to see if it is better than rocksalt at clearing snow ?