THE DIARY OF A GEEK IN OXFORDSHIRE


"Solving the World's problems with satire and a smile.*"

*And a flamethrower.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Belmarsh Prison 'Out of Space'


London's Belmarsh Prison has announced that it is unable at present to admit any more bombers or terrorists, following the arrest of 183 Japanese tourists yesterday under new Police State Anti-Terror laws.

The three coach-loads of tourists fell foul of the new Section 76 to the Counter-Terrorism Act 2008, which makes it illegal to photograph Police officers, soldiers, or pretty much anything else.

All 183 were taking photographs of the Guards at Buckingham Palace, and have been arrested on suspicion of taking images which may be of use in the commission of a terrorist act. All will be held under the Act for 42 days. Two Brazilian tourists were also each shot 14 times in the head, because they looked a bit funny and had backpacks.

Governor of Belmarsh Prison, Warden Bangup, said, "unfortunately we have simply run out of space due to this sudden influx of tourists...sorry, terrorists. We are also having to keep cells free for the vast numbers of journalists we expect to be imprisoned under this Act. Therefore, we are not accepting any more inmates at this time".

Chief Inquisitor Justice Minister Jack Straw, speaking at the Ministry of Love Justice Ministry, said, "it is right that we ensure our Police, our servicemen and our streets are free from the fear and tyranny of terrorism. These Japanese touri...sorry...terrorists were clearly a danger to National Security and the Police acted in accordance with the Act. No, don't photograph me! Guards! Arrest that man!"

Mr Straw also announced a major new building project to ensure that there were sufficient prison spaces to handle all the arrested photographers over the next few years. He added that because of the high-priority nature of arresting tourists and journalists, he was issuing new sentencing guidelines to judges. All those found in possession of Semtex, suicide belts and Jihad manuals will now be subject to ASBOs, to save prison space for people taking pictures.

A Japanese Government spokesman tried to give a comment, but was too pissed to be intelligible.

1 comment:

it's either banned or compulsory said...

Dear Sir
Re "183 were taking photographs of the Guards at Buckingham Palace"

I urge the Police to seek and destroy all literature relating to Christopher Robin for popularising this kind of disgraceful behaviour. Furthermore they should close down camera-mongers such as the London Camera Exchange for supplying equipment to these filthy terrorist supporting vermin.

Yours,
Chief Sup ( Ret ) Outraged
Tunbridge Wells