Fed up with trains being delayed, managers have now issued a 'No Shagging' rule on all platforms, and new signs have been put up to remind frisky travellers of their responsibilities.
The new rule, which will be enforced only during peak travelling hours, follows themove by Virgin to introduce their new 'Pendolino' trains from Warrington Bank Quay. Station Manager Reg Jobsworth said, "it's all very well people saying their goodbyes, but we're targeted on punctuality and screwing on the platforms means the trains get delayed. Just last week, an impromptu gang-bang on Platform 3 meant the whole West Coast Line was held up for almost an hour. It's just not acceptable".
A spokesman for Virgin Trains defended the move, which has outraged passenger groups and swinging clubs across the northwest. In a statement on behalf of Richard Branson, the spokesman said, "we understand the necessity for passengers to say goodbye to their loved ones, but we ask for some consideration for our punctuality needs and those of other passengers.
"If travellers would please stick to a spot of fellatio or cunnilingus, this will ensure our services run in a timely fashion".