Since it started circulating in October 2008, the virus has infected millions of PCs worldwide, including, hospital computers and even Royal Navy warships.
Steve 'Monkey Boy' Ballmer, speaking from the specially-constructed climbing frame in his office, said, "it is essential that we track down the creator of this virus as a matter of urgency. Therefore we are offering the reward for information leading to the name and location of the writer, and we have the black helicopters on standby".
He added, "The simple fact is, this one coder has done more damage to Windows networks than our entire team of developers have managed with since Windows ME was released. Clearly he's highly skilled, and we should really have him working here at Microsoft on our kernel team".
"Someone like this could do wonders for us in the development of Windows 7, finding new and innovative ways to crash and destroy data at the worst possible moment. This person should not be writing viruses - he should be a Developer! Developer! Developer! Developer!".
The Cornficker virus is the latest major security headache for the software giant, following on the heels of Sasser, Blaster, MyDoom, SoBig, CodeRed, ILoveYou and every single other one, going back years. And years. And years.
Former Apple CEO Steve Jobs was unavailable for comment, as he was consulting his turtleneck and suffering uncontrollable fits of laughter.