THE DIARY OF A GEEK IN OXFORDSHIRE


Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Genesis of Twitter

Biz Stone in Creation Mode

In honour of this - 'The Birth of Twitter', I thought I'd help with my own version.

Chapter 1

1 In the Beginning Berners-Lee created the Inter and the Web. 2 And the Web was without Social Media, and void, and the spirit of Biz moved upon the face of the ethernets.

3 And Biz said, "Let There Be Code", and there was Code. 4 And Biz saw that the Code was good; and Biz separated the Code from the ethernets. 5 Biz called the Code Alpha, and it was so. And there were emails and there were reviews, one day.

6 And Biz Said, "Let There Be An Interface in the midst of the Code, that the Users can Tweet from many clients". 7 And Biz made the Interface, and separated the Interface from the waters of the Code. And it was so. 8 And Biz called the Interface the API. And there were emails and there were reviews, a second day.

9 And Biz said, "Let the Code and the API be gathered together into one place, and let the UI appear". And it was So. 10 Biz called the UI Beta. And Biz saw that it was good. 11 And Biz said, "let the Beta go forth into the Internets, and yield testers and early adopters, each according to their nerdiness". And it was so. 12 The Beta brought forth testers and early adopters, each according to their nerdiness. And Biz saw that it was good. 13 And there were emails and there were reviews, a third day.

14 And Biz said, "Let There Be DMs in the Firmament of the Beta to separate the Private from the Public, 15 and let there be Replies so the Users may answer thusly". And is was so. 16 And Biz made the two great Tabs, the Replies to rule the Public, and the DM to Rule the Private. 17 And Biz set them in the firmament of the Beta to give flexibility to users, 18 to rule over the Interface, and to separate the Private from the Public. And Biz saw that it was good. 19 And there were emails and there were reviews, a fourth day.

20 And Biz said, "let the Internet bring forth swarms of Celebs, and let Celebs fly above users in the firmament of the Beta". 21 So Biz created the Twitterstreams and accounts for every Celeb that Tweets, according to their kinds, and created the @Stephenfry account and every Celeb according to its kind. And Biz saw that it was good. 22 And Biz blessed them, saying, "be fruitful and full the twitterstream with your tweets, and the Users will follow and worship". 23 And there were emails and there were reviews, a fifth day.

24 And Biz said, "Let the Web bring forth dicks according to their kinds; stalkers and creeping trolls and spammers according to their kinds". And it was so. 25 And Biz made accounts for the dicks according to their kinds, and everything that creeps upon the Internet according to their kind. And Biz saw that it was good.

26 Then Biz said, "Let us make accounts for the Users, and let them have dominion over their own twitterstreams, and their Followers, that they may Tweet whatever irrelevant bollocks they wish". 27 So Biz created accounts for the Users, and in the disks of The Beta he made images of the accounts. 28 And Biz blessed the Users and said to them "Be fruitful and fill the Twitterstream with your Tweets, and have dominion over your own Twitterstream, and your Followers, that you may Tweet whatever irrelevant bollocks you wish". 29 and Biz said, "Lo, I have given you swarms of celebs to Follow and worship, and the Replies to rule the Public and DMs to rule the Private, and you shall have Twitter conversations. 30 And I have given you dicks according to their kinds, for you to flame, ignore and block". And it was so. 31 And Biz saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there were emails and there were reviews, a sixth day.

Chapter 2

1 Thus the Alpha and the Beta were finished, and all the hosting sorted. 2 And on the seventh day Biz finished the work that he had done. 3 But Biz hadn't sorted scalability, so on the seventh day Biz created the Fail Whale and blessed it, so that he could rest from all His work he had done in creation.

1 comment:

Henry North London said...

Ah How do you think these ones up?