THE DIARY OF A GEEK IN OXFORDSHIRE


"Solving the World's problems with satire and a smile.*"

*And a flamethrower.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Dear Prime Minister


Dear Prime Minister

I felt I just had to write to tell you how much I enjoyed your interview with Evan Davies on the 'Today' programme this morning. It put me in mind of a fat maggot, wriggling helpless and impotent on the end of an angler's hook.

I particularly liked your response to Evan's repeated question about whether you were wrong to have claimed 'an end to boom and bust'. He used the phrase several times, and in every instance you refused even to acknowledge the point.

There was a 'boom' (albeit born of artifice and legerdemain, but a boom nonetheless). You were keen, at every opportunity, to remind us of your Prudence and your brilliance, to tell us we had had an unprecedented eleventy-million quarters of sustained economic growth. You were even willing to add in the quarters of growth under a Tory Government to boost your bombast.

We're now in a bust. Figures released today prove, officially, that UK PLC is in Recession - or, to put it in a more colloquial way, the economy is royally and mightily fucked.

Boom. Bust. Both these states have happened.

Both these states, however initiated, also happened under the watch of one person - the Rt. Hon. James Gordon Brown MP. Formerly Chancellor of the Exchequer, now Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury. That would be you, sir, in case the Largactil is adversely affecting you.

Let me offer you a spot of advice. To admit that you were wrong does not show weakness - it shows humanity. To err is human. So's believing your own hype.

To attempt, as you did, to divert the blame to the Banks, to the USA, to light-touch regulation, to the Tories and to just about anything else you thought might give you wriggle-room does NOT show omniscience. Sorry to break it to you, but it doesn't.

It shows weakness. It shows cowardice. It shows an inability to face the facts and the consequences of one's own actions, be they actual deeds or sins of omission.

It also begs the question - if you're so right all the time, then you must therefore have seen all this pain coming. Yet you chose not to act to stop it. Why?

The truth is, Prime Minister, you didn't see it coming. You fell into the trap of believing that you were the Great God Prudence, that you were infallible, that the inevitability of cyclical downturns could not happen because of the sheer force of your will. Now your pride won't allow you to face the truth - you were not Prudent enough.

You allowed this to happen. You, sir, are responsible for the consequences to this country. Please be a man- admit your failings and face that responsibility.

And please, Prime Minister, set yourself on fire. I'd set you on fire myself, but I can't afford matches any more.

Yours disrespectfully

Dungeekin

6 comments:

Laugh...I nearly shat. said...

Excellent, laughging my head off reading it.

I'd love to see the mealy mouthed response.

Henry Crun said...

"light touch regulation"...

I missed the interview, thank (insert appropriate deity here). Otherwise my nice new DAB radio would have ended up on the other side of the kitchen window on the back lawn.

Who was responsible for this light-touch regulation - yes that's right, Gordoom himself.

AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

wv = aness (n). A homonym, sounds like the place the government find their economic policies.

The Penguin said...

Excellent. Let us know if you get a reply!

Bill Quango MP said...

Its a real shame for the UUK that this man wasn't forced out after Glasgow East.
If he had been, even though there would probably still be a Labour government, it would at least be able to acknowledge previous mistakes.
Ever since little Al had to become the pretend chancellor he has to read from the fomer chancellors script. Unable to do anything that would reflect badly upon his master.Unable to mention past mistakes. Unable to effectively U-turn on previous errors, or worse still , even admit that any errors had taken place.
How Alistair must envy Barack Obama. A President who is able to start again unconstrained by old choices.

Even if the unsuitable Milliband was in charge he could legitimately say encouraging things about the future..
"we have run up too much debt, with the best of intentions to overcome years of Tory neglect in schools and hospitals, however it is clear that all future planned PFI schemes must cease and a plan put in place for the end of this recession that will bring borrowing more in line with income.
I will act decisively with my new chancellor to ..."

at least it would prevent us having to listen to the unlikely scenarios that the goblin paints.

"Northern Rock ..started in America. Republicans made them lend 125% mortgages. The FSA was got at by the FBI.. Newcastle united ran up the debt.. it was all the fault of the pensioners withdrawing their life savings for no good reason but they were cold and wanted to buy a new fleece..
And so on.

I remember hearing him as chancellor on the today program in 2002. it was quite rare for him to be interviewed. he didn't answer a single question and just tractored his way through it.
He hasn't changed much. Why anyone thought he would make a good PM is a mystery, solved only by a dinner with Tony.

it's either banned or compulsory said...

I heard that entire interview, Evan Davies did a splendid job ( for a Beeboid ) trying to wind Gordon up though it turned into a pantomime ritual of "you said no more boom and bust" V. " international economic crisis " ad nauseum.
I particularly liked his ( from memory ) " Come on, admit it, your so called brilliant record as Chancellor with X quarters of successive growth has now been followed with recession which makes your overall record just very average, not brilliant at all".

Ian Battersby said...

Absolute magic - couldn't have summed it up better myself. Should things come to the worst I am sure I could go halves on a single match with you :)