Tory Leader David Cameron has surprised pundits by reintroducing a 'Big Beast' into his Shadow Cabinet.
The shock appointment of the 10-metre-tall 'Tyrannosaurus Rex' to the position of Trade and Industry Secretary was announced yesterday and has stunned political circles, who were expecting a Cabinet return for cigar-chomping Europhile Ken Clarke.
A spokesman at Conservative HQ said, "Dave thought about bringing Ken Clark back - he's one of the old 'big beasts', well respected in the Party and with masses of experience. But he is a bit of a dinosaur anyway, and Dave thought that if we're going to have a dinosaur in Cabinet we might as well have a real one".
He added, "The real bonus of having a T. Rex holding the Trade and Industry brief is - if he can't win a debate with Mandleson, he can just bite his head off. Which is perfect as far as we're concerned. We just need to stop him from eating his red boxes."
The Tyrannosaurus, jocularly nicknamed 'Barney', is to hold a press conference shortly. The Tories have denied rumours that he's been trained to eat Guardian journalists.
(Published in 'The Tart', 19 January 2009).
The shock appointment of the 10-metre-tall 'Tyrannosaurus Rex' to the position of Trade and Industry Secretary was announced yesterday and has stunned political circles, who were expecting a Cabinet return for cigar-chomping Europhile Ken Clarke.
A spokesman at Conservative HQ said, "Dave thought about bringing Ken Clark back - he's one of the old 'big beasts', well respected in the Party and with masses of experience. But he is a bit of a dinosaur anyway, and Dave thought that if we're going to have a dinosaur in Cabinet we might as well have a real one".
He added, "The real bonus of having a T. Rex holding the Trade and Industry brief is - if he can't win a debate with Mandleson, he can just bite his head off. Which is perfect as far as we're concerned. We just need to stop him from eating his red boxes."
The Tyrannosaurus, jocularly nicknamed 'Barney', is to hold a press conference shortly. The Tories have denied rumours that he's been trained to eat Guardian journalists.
(Published in 'The Tart', 19 January 2009).
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