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Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Government Introduce New Solar Power Initiative

Cameron & Hague: "combined forehead surface area the size of the Isle of Wight"

As the crisis in the Middle East continues, the Government has announced new measures to reduce the UK's reliance on fossil fuels in the face of rising oil prices.

With the price of oil still rising and the cost of a barrel of crude now at $105, the Department of Energy & Climate change said that 'immediate measures' were necessary to offset the cost and make greater use of renewable sources.

Secretary of State for Energy, Chris Huhne, said, "as the situation in the Middle East remains fluid, it is essential that we investigate all other avenues for energy generation, reducing and removing our reliance on old oil-fired power stations. Therefore, with immediate effect we will be placing solar panels on the vast foreheads of Prime Minister David Cameron and Foreign Secretary William Hague."

Mr Huhne added, "the huge surface-area of their combined heads will allow for an area of photoelectric cells equivalent to a land mass the size of the Isle Of Wight, fully dedicated to providing power to the National Grid and allowing us to remove up to six oil-fired power stations from the UK inventory. This will have a significant impact on the UK meeting its carbon-emissions targets under the Kyoto Accords as well."

Environmental activists have cautiously welcomed the DECC proposal, though they expressed concerns at the use of politicians in the generation of electricity. Hilary Sandalwonk, spokesperson for Gaea's Great, said, "while we can see the benefit in using two massive slapheads as a source of renewable power, care must be taken to ensure that the vacuous pronouncements they make on a regular basis don't spout so much hot air into the atmosphere that it removes the benefit of the CO2 reduction."

Plans to expand the solar project to include Iain Duncan Smith remain unconfirmed, as solar-panel manufacturers have expressed doubts that it is even possible to build sufficient cells to cover his head.

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patently said...

This has legs! Abandon geothermal energy, instead find a way to extract energy from the continuous stream of hot air emitted by politicians.

Demolish the windmills, hook the generators up to their arms instead. Harness the energy of their arm-waving arguments and their pointless gestures.

There is a risk, though - there is one thing that politicians love above all others (no, not money), and that is power. So we might face a challenge in forcing them to let us have all the power that they will be generating...

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