Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Labour Leadership Campaign: Staggerers and Fallers

So today brought us news that in the 'rats in a sack' race that is the 'Labour Leadership' election, we have two new runners - Andy Burnham, and Yvette Balls Cooper. Well, that's a challenge of all the talents there.

But in the spirit of political blogging, one has to assess the chances of the various contenders and their chances for capturing the 100-odd seats (an 11% swing) from the Tories they would need to win back power in 2020.

Andy Burnham:
Leaving aside that increased media appearances would pay off the national debt in mascara purchases, prepare yourselves for five years of Conservatives screaming, "Mid Staffs!". And quite rightly. Guaranteed to lose the election for Labour.

Chuka Umunna:
Privately-educated son and grandson of lawyers, member of the Metropolitan elite who wears beautiful bespoke suits. Reportedly briefed by Mandelson, which will ensure the hard-Left loathe him. Guaranteed to alienate whatever is left of Labour's non-metropolitan elite core vote. Guaranteed to lose the election for Labour.

Yvette Cooper:
Two words: Ed Balls. Guaranteed to lose the election for Labour.

Tristram Hunt:
Five years of THAT rhyming slang? Guaranteed to lose the election for Labour.

The other one:
Labour's real-life answer to Nicola Murray. I'm a politics geek, and I've never heard of her. Guaranteed to lose the election for Labour.

So let's be completely realistic. Nobody has a realistic chance of bringing Labour back from the wilderness in 2020, and they wouldn't have one even if they weren't engaged in an internal schism between deserting their ideological roots and deserting their funding.

So with a field of incompetent attention whores and nonentities campaigning for the leadership of a party in its death throes, it's really going to come down to the usual Labour Party leader selection method.

Who Dave Prentis and Len McCluskey want.

So it'll be Burnham, and that's perfect.

For the Conservatives.