Mr Johnson, speaking to BBC News, said, "this measure is necessary to ensure that we fully penalise reasonable drinkers and those who can afford it. And we're sure there's no chance that hardened binge-drinkers will simply forego food or clothing for their feral sprogs in order to carry on buying cheapo vodka, honest. And no, it won't apply to the subsidised Scotch in the House of Commons Bars."
However, drinks manufacturer Beverage Brands have responded to the Home Secretary's proposals by announcing that they are to diversify from selling over-sweetened pap marketed at arseholes and enter the household cleaning market.
In a press release published today, Karen Salters, Marketing Director of Beverage Brands, announced that with immediate effect BB are to enter the home cleaning market, reclassifying their WKD Blue product as a toilet cleaner.
Ms Salters said, "We are approaching this project with the same sense of social responsibility we apply to our drinks branding and marketing. This rebrand is the perfect option for WKD and similar products. WKD drinks look like toilet cleaner, taste as good as the leading brand of limescale remover and, given the number of additives it contains, will scour out your washbasin just as well as it wrecks your internal organs.
"And if idiot teenagers with even fewer braincells than they have tastebuds happen to buy and drink WKD Blue Bowlcleaner to get round the minimum pricing, then it's hardly our fault, is it?"