THE DIARY OF A GEEK IN OXFORDSHIRE


Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Breeding Explosion Risks Grave Crisis

P. Fatslebbus: uncontrolled breeding.

Conservationists have warned of an impending humanitarian crisis in the UK, with a population explosion in a new species posing an increased risk of shortages in many necessities.

The warnings come following the announcement that former Atomic Kitten and Iceland pimpette Kerry Katona is expecting her fifth child. Ms Katona, who took a break from her usual drink-and-drug-addled state to announce the news on social networking site Twitter, is reported to be 'chuffed to sobriety' at the news.

Ms Katona's employer, the Williams GP team, congratulated her on the news of her pregnancy and said they were looking forward to her return, as her vagina is essential to their wind-tunnel research.

However, environmental scientists have warned that the uncontrolled breeding of the species Pointlessus Fatslebbus, of which Ms Katona is one of several breeding pairs, poses 'a grave risk' to the future of the human species.

Conservationist Bert Greenius, who has been leading research into the breeding patterns of P. Fatslebbus, said, "this announcement is a matter for concern. We have seen that this species has a far higher breeding rate than humans by, on average, a factor of 2 - essentially, fat pointless slebs are breeding at near-bacterial rates. This has several potential issues. Firstly, the breeding rate of P. Fatslebbus leads to the projection that by 2050, we will see a population of the species of in excess of 50 million, far outstripping the population of humans by that time. This raises the prospect of inter-species cross-breeding, which has grave risks for the overall intellect and sanity of Homo Sapiens.

"Finally, we are gravely concerned at the risk this population explosion will place on the resources the country has available. A growing population of P. Fatslebbus will place significant strains on their core dietary staples, and it is doubtful that the country could sustain the massive increase in demand for vodka, champagne, cocaine and nightclubs".







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2 comments:

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Really, who thinks that is worth slipping a length?

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