Labour: Tackling inequality, one aspiration at a time . . . The Government has promised 'sustained and focused action' to reduce inequality in the UK, following a government-commissioned report showing the gap between rich and poor is wider now than 40 years ago.
The report, by a panel from the London School of Economics, said that in areas such as taxes and education, policy action was needed to limit inequality. The panel's spokesperson, Polly Seewonk, said, "how do you create a level playing field when there are such differences in the resources available to people?"
Minister For Equality (Except For White Middle-Class Families Who We'll Screw Mercilessly) Harridan Harperson welcomed the report, and announced new and far-reaching measures to bridge the gap between rich and poor.
Mzz Harperson said, "it is wrong and unfair that there should be any inequality in British society. And it is easy to see that the fault here lies not with Government but with an acquisitive system that rewards hard work and self-development. True equality clearly lies not in a meritocratic system, but in every single person* being brought down to the same level. How dare a hospital consultant, who studied for several years and then worked his way up the ladder, studying all the way, be better-off than a council bin-man? The only way of achieving true equality in society is the introduction, by legislation, of a completely level playing-field.
"The Government will therefore introduce legislation to remove salaries, private education, private income, property ownership and any other contributors to inequality. All necessities of accommodation and living standards will then be directly provided by the State. We will also mandate a standard national uniform - probably overalls - to reduce the sense of inequality caused by someone having better clothes than you."
Mzz Harperson added, "This Government will constitute the fairest of societies under a simple motto of 'from each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs'. After all, it worked so well in the Soviet Union."
*Mzz Harperson's spokesman was quick to point out that this would not be applicable tothe Nomenklatura Members of Parliament.
The report, by a panel from the London School of Economics, said that in areas such as taxes and education, policy action was needed to limit inequality. The panel's spokesperson, Polly Seewonk, said, "how do you create a level playing field when there are such differences in the resources available to people?"
Minister For Equality (Except For White Middle-Class Families Who We'll Screw Mercilessly) Harridan Harperson welcomed the report, and announced new and far-reaching measures to bridge the gap between rich and poor.
Mzz Harperson said, "it is wrong and unfair that there should be any inequality in British society. And it is easy to see that the fault here lies not with Government but with an acquisitive system that rewards hard work and self-development. True equality clearly lies not in a meritocratic system, but in every single person* being brought down to the same level. How dare a hospital consultant, who studied for several years and then worked his way up the ladder, studying all the way, be better-off than a council bin-man? The only way of achieving true equality in society is the introduction, by legislation, of a completely level playing-field.
"The Government will therefore introduce legislation to remove salaries, private education, private income, property ownership and any other contributors to inequality. All necessities of accommodation and living standards will then be directly provided by the State. We will also mandate a standard national uniform - probably overalls - to reduce the sense of inequality caused by someone having better clothes than you."
Mzz Harperson added, "This Government will constitute the fairest of societies under a simple motto of 'from each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs'. After all, it worked so well in the Soviet Union."
*Mzz Harperson's spokesman was quick to point out that this would not be applicable to
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