The research team, from Kings College London, released their first paper to the Journal of Sexual Medicine in which their study into 1800 women proved that the 'Graffenberg spot' allegedly discovered some 50 years ago, does not exist. Their subsequent research, to be published in respected journal 'Nuts' magazine, claims to have evidence to disprove the existence of the 'clitoris', the possibly-mythical nerve-centre linked to sexual pleasure in women.
Professor Bray Syourself, who led the all-male team, said, "we have now amassed sufficient evidence to prove that the so-called 'clitoris', and other forms of sexual arousal in women, are merely imaginary and, probably, a feminist plot to make men feel inadequate."
Professor Syourself's research team based their research on an exhaustive survey of 1800 male 'Nuts' readers, who were taken to the pub, fed 10 pints and then asked to engage in sexual intercourse with female test dummies. All 1800 test subjects were completely unable to find the clitoris, with 80% of them choosing instead to clamber on, ejaculate immediately, fart and fall asleep. 12% were unable to achieve an erection, which the research team established was the woman's fault. The remaining 8% returned non-statistically significant results including, but not limited to, vomiting on their sexual partner and falling asleep on the toilet.
Mr Syourself added that his team were now seeking funding to locate and confirm the true seat of sexual arousal in women, and that their initial research seemed to point to the highest levels of arousal being reached either by the woman swallowing or making their partner a sandwich. Then swallowing.