Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Labour Deficit Reduction Plan Leaked

"I'll thcream and thcream and thcream until I'm thick! And I can!"

Labour Party Leader 'Little' Ed Millipede has vowed an urgent inquiry and 'swift punishment'. after details of the Opposition's deficit-reduction plans were left in a public place and subsequently released to the Press.

The news comes in the wake of Chancellor George Botox's swingeing cuts to the UK Budget, which are believed to amount to a massive £750 over the course of the next seventeen Parliaments, and after Shadow Chancellor Alan Useless had spent significant time wibbling pointlessly about how terrible the debt was that Labour didn't cause, honest.

The top-secret Labour document was reportedly found left on a seat in a progressive gentleman's club, where the Minister in possession of it had been spanking taxpayers money, among other things, and was passed to The Diary by a stripper caring member of the public that your Correspondent doesn't use monthly.

Master Millipede said, "the leaking of this document is an egregious offence, and we will track down the irresponsible individual and have them punished. Probably by my Governess."

The document is believed to be a single sheet of foolscap, containing the text, "Our Deficit Reduction Plan: LIE", and is currently being studied by a crack team of psychologists, economists and the ONS to establish precisely how it differs from any other plan Labour have had over the last thirteen years.

Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment. Again.

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D-Rex said...


Unfortunately, even though they lost the plan they have been all over the MSM lying their arses off all day.

Brennig said...

The thing I can't quite get my head around is why the MSM (prop: Daily Mail) is painting scare stories about Millipede and referring to him as 'Red Ed', when the truth is his personal political inclinations aren't that distant from the Lib Dems, and the political direction of the Labour Party is in abject disarray thanks to the fumblings of Blair and Brown?

Millipede and the rest of his gang do appear to be made of unquestionably weak stuff, while his party were getting us in to this mess not one of them stood up and took a public position of objection.

Even if I violently objected to the political views of an MP, I could respect them for their principles, but Labour seems to be devoid of all principles, and I find that rather sad. I don't see any MPs coming up through the ranks who exhibit the admirable personal qualities of Benn, John Brown, Foot, et. al.

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Ted Treen said...

Brennig, old lad,

You say "admirable personal qualities of Benn, John Brown, Foot, et. al."

Does that include - at least in Footie's case - the admirable quality of secretly accepting funding from the Kremlin?

Brennig said...

Ted, I'm tempted to tell you to take your patronising 'old lad', fold it until it is entirely composed of sharp edges and stuff it up your arse.

But instead, I'm minded that Michael Foot was an entirely principled politician and that at no time, as a serving MP, did he accept direct or indirect funding, from any external (i.e. outside of the United Kingdom) political agency. Which, naturally, cannot be said of Thatcher who received significant funding from the Americans via *cough* lobbyists.

However, Tribune, an imprint that a non-member of Parliament, Michael Foot, was editor of, did receive financial support from the Russian Embassy in London.

I think it's important, Ted, that we make certain distinctions here, in the name of clarity. And you seem to be standing in the muddy end of the pool.