Dear Alistair Darling
Now come on, own up. Who on earth writes this shit? Have you got Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf employed as a Treasury SpAD?
"We make these decisions from a position of strength". Oh you do, do you? Because I think the strongest thing around is the stench of hypocritical bullshit.
Instead of action on our spiralling debt, all we had were the same vacuous outpourings. Meaningless blurb on 'investment in the future' as the country collapses. The borrowing, and the debt, will continue unabated.
Borrowing 354 billion pounds over two years just so you can point at some arbitrarily-designated 'growth' figures is not sensible fiscal policy. In fact, it's pretty much insane. Growth is only good if it's not likely to be completely obliterated by an cascading avalanche of unmanageable debt. It's like maxing-out every credit card your entire extended family own, just to put a Georgian frontage on your house. While ignoring the subsidence.
And yet amidst all the political weaselling - the wanton abuse of statistics, the dreary drivel about green technology, working families, increases to benefits above inflation and the like - how much mention was made of how to cut the borrowing?
How, Mr Darling, are you going to lower the deficit? Yes, it's lovely and peachy lowering tax on Bingo - nice targeted 'tax cut' that one - but what about the deficit? You say the percentages will fall - how? Is there some magic afoot, that will miraculously sort the country's fiscal problems while you continue to throw ever more non-existent money at imaginary growth? Are we getting Harry Potter as Labour's next Chancellor?
Cynicism, all the way. 50% on banker bonuses as a sop to your core socialist voters*. Bingo Tax Reduction - as a sop to your core voters. Attacking pension-fund tax relief on those stupid enough to be genuinely prudent under Labour. Ostentatiously (and counterproductively) soaking those who work hard to gain their income, and hoping that nobody notices the extra £6 per year going into general taxation for the right to own a fucking telephone, or the extra 0.5% tax rise, through NI, in the dying moments of your turgid mumblings.
I know why you've done it. I even predicted that you'd do it.
This was, as George Osborne said, a Pre-Election Report. You know you've screwed the economy, the country and the people. You know you're going to lose the next election. And like all cowards, when the final opportunity came to own up, be a man and say, "we need to make tough decisions and cut back. Hard. Now", instead you still persist with the pretence.
You produced a soft Budget, bereft of courage, lacking even the barest of impetus to halt the decline - and you did so secure in the knowledge that in the next Budget, the Conservatives will have to be the ones taking the hard decisions you lacked the cojones to make.
And who will be the ones screaming loudest about the nasty, taxing Tories? That's right. Lying, craven Labour. There's nothing more contemptible than a coward.
Thankfully, I only have a few months more to remain, Sir,
Your Disgusted Taxpayer
*Hoping that your core voters won't notice that it applies only to discretionary bonuses, not contractual ones. Twat.