A Speaker's Lot is Not a Happy One

(To the tune of 'A Policemans' Lot)**

When the Opposition's baying for a Statement
And they're questioning the Governments neat plans
My capacity for innocent enjoyment
Is not as great as any other man

My feelings I with difficulty smother
With my Parliamentary duties to be done
I will do my Commons duties like no other
As a Speaker's lot is not a happy one

With my Labour Party duties to be done, to be done
Oh, A Speakers' lot is not a happy one

When the enterprising Cameron's a-joking
When the PM lacks the brain to answer true
I consider it my job to mumble "Order"
And to give the Labour benches more than due

When the Home Sec makes arrests of Opposition
When I have to make a statement on deeds done
And take the blame for her repressive mission
Yes a Speaker's lot is not a happy one

With my Labour Party duties to be done, to be done
Oh, A Speakers' lot is not a happy one

So I'm recommending full investigations
Though I'll organise the same to such degree
That my party will control deliberations
And the blame will never fall back on to me

Though my actions lost the trust of all the nation
I will not stand down for things that I have done
Yet the Tory clamour for my resignation
Means this Speakers' lot is not a happy one

With my Labour Party to be done, to be done
Oh, A Speakers' lot is not a happy one

**Yet more apologies to Messrs Gilbert & Sullivan