THE DIARY OF A GEEK IN OXFORDSHIRE


Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Labour Minister


To the tune of 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General)*

I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister
My words are often cynical, my motivation sinister
I know the laws of England though for me they don't quite register
From Habeus to Corpus, Magna Carta doesn't matter here!

I'm very well acquainted too with matters all political
I understand elections, swing, and all the tricks to rig 'em all
On Paliamentary theorem I am teeming with a lot o'news
With many cheerful facts to use to baffle and befuddle you

I know about the people struggling through in this economy
Yet 'coz I am a Minister it doesn't really bother me
As I make loads of cash from all my Interests on the Register
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
As he makes loads of cash from all his Interests on the Register
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister


I know our country's history from Thatcher to Jim Callaghan
I've studied all our foreign wars from Falklands to Afghanistan
And yet I signed the sales forms giving weapons to the Taliban
Because I'm not like Churchill, I am rather more like Chamberlain

Now I can speak to Parliament and People with authority
On topics one and all, from income tax to foreign policy
My speeches are a marvel of sonority not brevity
And I can make it sound to them like I have genuine empathy

And I can write a bill to take your Civil Rights away from you
With DNA, ID Cards and a database to follow you
In short with legislation that's designed to chafe and monitor
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
In short with legislation that's designed to chafe and monitor
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister


In fact when I can understand just what is meant by 'poverty'
When I know more of life than does a novice in a nunnery
And worked instead of reading PPE at University
Then I could do my job with more compassion and propriety

For all my time in Parliament, I'm niggardly and cowardly
I simply feel the Laws of all the land do not apply to me
In short, I am a Stalinist, with motivations sinister
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
In short, he is a Stalinist, with motivations sinister
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister


*With apologies to both Gilbert AND Sullivan

9 comments:

Not a sheep said...

"For all my time in Parliament, I'm niggarly and cowardly
I simply feel the Laws of all the land do not apply to me
In short, I am a Stalinist, with motivations sinister
I am the very model of a modern Labour Minister

Chorus
In short, he is a Stalinist, with motivations sinister
He is the very model of a modern Labour Minister"

Do you have any sinister minister in particular in mind?

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Nice! I can barely manage to parody Eminem.

Andy said...

brilliant. the tories should get it set to the music - it would hit no 1 in no time

Cato said...

Magnifico....As Andy said...Dave take not of this..

idle said...

Classy doggerel. Much enjoyed.

John M Ward said...

It is indeed a very good re-working of the G&S item, and I have linked to it from an item on my own 'blog (this site is already blogrolled there, since I discovered it recently) with the first verse as a "taster" to get 'em to come over and read the whole thing.

With any luck, my regular readers — both of them(!) — should visit any time now...

Bill Quango MP said...

Ahh. That's good.
No wonder she wants to ban blogs.
The hatchet faced,Himmler eyed, harpy.

measured said...

Superb!! and so true.

schlumpf23 said...

Loved it! Any possibilities of doing a video of this? Would be hilarious.