We're told that JFK, for example, was assassinated by the CIA. Or the Mafia. Or perhaps by an errant underwire from Marilyn Monroe's armoured bra. Others insist that 9/11 was in fact the work of the Israelis to force the US to take military action in the Middle East, when it seems pretty clear that Shrub would've found a way to do so anyway without killing 3,000 American citizens.
Then you have the US Presidency which, along with other global positions of power, is in fact controlled and occupied by lizard people. Or Jews. Or, preposterously, a vastly-rich global network controlled by jazz musician Bix Beiderbecke.
And of course, Diana* did not die as a result of a drunken Frog with crappy car control. She was murdered by space aliens, using a Romulan warbird cunningly cloaked to look like a Fiat Uno, in order to hide the secret of her illicit relationship with Elvis Presley**.
And you know what the defining characteristic of all these conspiracy theories is? They're. All. Bullshit. The idea that any of these things could be conceived, carried out and covered-up for years or even decades without a hint is risible - that any such acts should be contemplated without several hundredweight of arse-covering paperwork that would, by now, have leaked is about as likely and believable as organised religion.
However, there's the slightly bovine aroma of another conspiracy reaching my nostrils here at Vitriol Towers - and this one, to me, is altogether more believable. And a lot more scary.
This conspiracy doesn't involve deaths, assassinations or even, boringly, space aliens****. It's a more simple plot, with a single rather prosaic purpose - to win the next General Election. Let me explain.
You have a Government whose party is openly supported by - and openly funded by - the Unite Union. This Union even funds the placement of a Downing Street adviser, and contributed to the constituency war-chests of half the Cabinet. This Union, again openly, campaigns for a Labour fourth term.
You have a Unite man as the closest confidant and enforcer to a Prime Minister who, we already know, will do and say absolutely anything to keep his bitten nails on the tiller of the country.
And in the run-up to a General Election, this same Union 'votes' for strike action. This same Union then makes a point of soliciting support from their militant brethren in the USA, Australia, Germany and France to increase the disruption and the pressure.
Now, it's easy to imagine that should the strike go ahead, the resultant chaos, cancellation and cost would not make the Government of the day particularly popular. And a Labour Government suffering this would inevitably invite comparisons with the dark days of strikes during the Winter of Discontent.
But. . . .But . . .
If, in the run-up to the General Election, the Prime Minister were to personally lead a delegation to arbitrate, and if, in the run-up to the General Election, that Prime Minister were to personally achieve a last-ditch, last-gasp resolution to an apparently insoluble industrial dispute with international reach, wouldn't that Prime Minister expect a rise in the polls for his strength and determination in banging heads together and fixing the problem for the people?
You can see the headline in the Daily Mirror: 'Determined Gordon Saves Britain's Holidaymakers'.
Now, ask yourself a question.
Do you really think that planning something like this is beyond the wit of Whelan****?
Think of everything you know about 'Colostomy' Brown. Every dirty trick he's pulled, every smear he's had Whelan, McBride et al involved in, every nasty little piece of opportunism he's tried, from visiting Afghanistan the day after lying to the Chilcot Inquiry to crying on Piers Morgan's shoulder. This man will do anything - ANYTHING - to stay in power. And with Whelan pulling the strings both in Downing Street and Unite HQ, creating and manipulating an industrial dispute to his own advantage would surprise me not one jot.
Labour and the Unions conspiring to secure a fourth term? That's a conspiracy we can all believe in.
* Insert your own 'People's Princess'/Queen of Hearts/media manipulator/waste of global resources/wouldn't kick her out of bed suffix as appropriate.
** Because he's not dead, but in fact high in the leadership of the Beiderbecke Group.
*** Though given the key players, it doesn't really involve humans either.
**** I especially like the carefully-contrived 'split' between Whelan and Mandelson - just enough to stir the pot.
My thanks to The Red Rag for the image.