Solving the World's problems with common sense and a flamethrower.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Scientists Discover New Super-Hard Fabric

"completely impervious to logic, public opinion or the knives of backbenchers".

Scientists have manufactured a material which they claim is the hardest substance ever known or created by mankind, according to reports today.

Scientists at St Anal's College Oxford created the material, which they believe has significant potential in military uses such as body and vehicle armour.

Speaking at a Press conference to launch the new material, its inventor Frank N Steinfabric said, "this is a ground-breaking material - the lightest armour ever devised yet fifteen times tougher and more penetration-resistant than the current multi-layer Kevlar systems".

Mr Steinfabric has been working for ten years on his substance, however the actual breakthrough has only come about in the last few months. Mr Steinfabric said, "we thought we'd tried everything, without success. But recently we noticed that the hide of Prime Minister Gollum Brown seems impervious to absolutely everything - logic, public opinion, and the knives of backbenchers. So we obtained a sample of the PM's skin and were amazed at what we found".

He added, "we were stunned at its resistant qualities and also its thickness. The density of the Prime Minister is quite astounding.

When reinforced with carbon-fibre nanotubes, the PM's carapace has been shown to be one of the toughest materials ever devised - stopping bullets, knife blades and even the Parliamentary Labour Party without even a scratch".

Mr Steinfabric said that he hoped to enter mass-production of PM-skin body armour after the next General Election, when the PM's body would be available for harvesting. However, he criticised Mr Brown for refusing the team's repeated requests to beat him with sticks to test his impact resistance.

Business Secretary Peter Mandelson hailed the discovery, saying that it finally proved that Gordon Brown had a use.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It has one weakness;


Keep throwing the truth at this material and it will sweat and twitch and stutter and tremor and pulsate and eventually melt.

Trouble is,none of the bloody journalists/reporters have the guts to throw the truth at him.