They are not allowed to supervise you at play. They are adults, therefore they are paedophiles.
They are responsible for the destruction of the planet. They are adults, therefore they are planet-killers.
They make the rules that stifle the personal expression of young people. They are adults, therefore they are dictators.
Children of Britain! Adults are evil creatures who cannot be trusted to look after your own best interests. Labour loves you. Labour cares.
Labour make sure that your time in Reception-class is not wasted with reading and writing, but instead learning what food has too much salt in so you can educate your parents*.
Labour make sure that your Reception reading books have no words in so that your imagination can run free and unfettered by nasty things like literacy*.
Labour make sure that you can rob people's houses and, if the nasty adults defend themselves and their property, THEY go to jail.
Labour make sure that you have a nice benefits system so that you can breed at will and be paid for it. And the teachers will help your friends to do the same.
Labour and her friends make sure that there's plenty of celebrity news on telly, so that you don't have to bother your heads with independent thought.
Children of Britain! Do not trust grownups. Grownups don't care for you like Labour does.
Watch the grownups around you, and report their crimes whenever you can.
Children of Britain! Love Labour. Join the Junior Spies today.
*These actually happened with Dungeekin Minor. Parents' Evening is next week and yes, it is going to be interesting.